Heck...

I feel like a zombie. For the sake for my assigments and exams days I have insufficient amount of sleep for 3 continuous days, say, around 3 hours per day.

As a result, on the 2nd day I started to look like I just walked out from Resident Evil, or maybe The House of The Dead. And an accident happened on the 3rd day - I hitted a pillar with my head while walking on the 1st floor of the hostel block without paying attantion (was rubbing eyes and turning around a corner, which I obviously failed), and my glasses fell down to the ground floor as a result of the impact. Luckily it didn't break, else I would owe an explanation to my parents.

I hate myself for this, and hated the damn assignments + exams for causing such trouble. But now they are completed, and right now I will put an end to this self-torturement to myself. I will end this post here and go to sleep now. Bleh >:P

End Of Valentine's 2005

Bummer dumdin's, in a flash this day has ended with people dining and smooching all around the place. Chocalate's and flowers are flying everywhere like air mail, and "Happy Valentine's" messages are flying like bird traffic ( which I TOTALLY dislike about ). Those W/O guy/girl friends spent their time with their normal friends ( I fell into this category in fact ).

Ennui was my word of the day. I had a bad time with assignments, with my time management, with my bed because I forgot to bring my bedsheets, with the weather because it was HELL HOT while I'm trying to type my blog here sweating like a dog that nearly got drowned in the river. Everything is so against me and I still can't believe I'm still here and not in my coffin.

Anyways I hope tommorrow gets better. I hope.

Valentine's ???

No, no Valentine for me this year. It's still not meant for me this year anyway.

Cupid missed 3 shots on me. The red string from "Yue Lao" went loose all the time. And Miss Fate (misfate) gave me that cold shoulder. Maybe I'm suppose to live with the fate of a Raven's ?

I hope I have the patience, or, at least get to live until the day Valentine meant something for me. For now, Valentine is still undefined for me. But the day isn't over yet, who knows what might happen minutes after I post up this post?

And by the way, for this year, 22rd February (8 days from Valentine) is the 15th day of the 1st month for the Chinese Lunar Calender. It is the last day of the CNY festival, and also the Chinese version of Valentine's ( in Malaysia yes, but in China I'm not sure ). Hopefully I don't get a bad mood at that day.

Confession

I got to admit I am feeling weird here, perhaps I got mentally sick.

I have this problem of being NUMB to certain stuff nowadays. For example, the CNY festival. Actually I don't feel the atmosphere at all. It ain't the same feeling as the ones I had for the past 19 years (maybe 12 since I am kind of a blur until I attend primary school). I have no urge of going to someone's house for visits, nor do I have the urge to collect angpows unless someone's actually offering it on the spot. I even lost my appetite, and sometimes I skipped meals.

Maybe I got lazy ? Or perhaps a different environment has affected me since my parents went overseas and I didn't return to Muar for CNY ? I think it might be the combination of both.

I start to feel a bit... anti-social, a bit not like feeling to meet with people. I got this sick feeling that I just got kinda fed up of mankind, or more specific, this society. I dislike what most people like in common, espacially those "hot" material stuff or issues. I don't know why but those things start to make me puke.

Well, I think I'm a bit disaligned with myself now, because I've started to write such negative things in my post in the CNY festival. I think I should check what's wrong with me again, for the N-th time.

Thoughts...

Overwhelm my mind now. I have too much to think of, happy thoughts, sad thoughts, lousy thoughts, angry thoughts, blah blah blah...

I realized I have been slacking too much now. Festival holidays filled with assignments had made me trying to inject myself with large doses of anaesthetic named "Fun". And obviously I have overdosed, as I have lost my sense of responsiblilty.

My determination to work is now reduced to writing up this post, at least. I felt my life being drained out, and I don't know whether it's the stress from Life or the drug that made my mind float. Maybe it's both.

I'm sick of myself, and tired being too. But there isn't much to do, and as long as I'm stuck here, I have to go on living with these misery hanging along my neck. Bleh.

Now I hope that at least I can get the chance make some achievement in my life, at least for this CNY. Let's see how things work out, and I hope it's not that rough. End.

(And Happy Chinese New Year to you readers out there. Well, at least make yourselves happy and don't end up like me sulking on my failures.)

"You are not going anywhere..."

Yeah yeah, looks like this year's CNY I'm not going anywhere but to stay at PJ...

Dad & Mum went for a holiday in China with my aunt, but it seems that at the last minute my aunt got lost in the airport and as a result, she didn't get to board the plane. And my parents had decided to stay at Singapore for 1 day to wait for my poor aunt to arrive... ( I heard this wasn't the 1st time my aunt pulled out such an act... )

So now, this means the rest of us kids have to stay home. And my elder sis (who works in S'pore but came back for CNY) hae to assume the role of guardian of the house (rather call it like that since me and my younger sis were old enough to take care of ourselves). My younger brother now stays with my grandma's house, therefore, his means the 3 of us here can enjoy the privileges of freedom in the house, and today is just the 1st day of it... hehehe...

(P/S Oh thanks to my friends for remembering my birthdate, which is today btw... Happy CNY to you all guys !!!)