CURSED

Couldn't bring myself to blog nowadays. Things are not going well as it seems - too many things to worry, too many things to think, and too many things to fix.

Felt like I'm hanging upside-down. Felt like whatever I'm doing doesn't make any sense at all. Felt like being sucked into a downward spiral-shaped vortex.

Been trying to free myself from those stupid thoughts. They are easy ways out, but I'm taking the hard way, not only because of my ego, but also to satisfy what others think about me. And I'm sick of these moments.

Gah. And yet I have to pretend all this crap does not affect me at all. And the more I pretend, the worse the whole situation gets. Sometimes I wished I could just crumble down and break into pieces, but I can't even do that. And that makes me even more sick of myself.

I'm going to yell this loud and clear in this dusty corner of mine :-

I DON'T WANNA FCKING LIVE IN A SOCIETY COMPOSED OF EVERY HUMAN'S DISILLUSIONS. BUT EVEN I WANNA BREAK FREE, I'M STILL BOUNDED BY THOSE FCKING DISILLUSIONS ON MY ANKLES. I NEED TO BREAK THOSE FCKING CHAINS, BECAUSE THEY BRING ME NOWHERE BUT TO DOWN TO THE DEPTHS OF THE STUPIDITY OF MANKIND.

Heck. Sometimes I need that expressing - makes a better person out of me.

I'm cursed - cursed of knowing too much. Cursed to realize the fact that the cages are there. And cursed that most of the people around me are content of living in those cages. Sometimes I wished I was dumber and more stupid, because I will not think too much and work myself out like a donkey in a mill.

I always hoped that I will find my way out of this crap. No. Better still, I will pave it out. I wanna show those people out there that, I'm not going to meet up with their expectations of me being one of the best in this society - and no way I'm going to take that title, because I'm more than that. Very much more.