So yeah, I started another one.

http://scribblelog.blogspot.com/

Yeah yeah, I can't even update this dirt stall consistently, and yet I can't stop making new commitments that I can't keep.

But who cares? It's for free anyway, and if it makes me happy, it's good enough.

Well, perhaps I may deposit my thoughts over there into the Scribblelog more often than into here, but that is if I am in the mood to scribble. Just keep your eyes sharp on here and there, people.

My eyes... my poor poor eyes...

And I never thought this will happen to me.

This, as in walking to the entrance to the door just to be greeted by the image of a fat lady donned only in a piece of towel looking shocked at the presence of an unsuspecting guy which is me. Stupid Chinese girlfriend of African housemate's who doesn't know what SHAME is.

I will have nightmares for this whole week. Especially when this whole week is one of the crappiest weeks for me due to it being stacked with a lot of difficulties. And especially when I don't have a bottle of bleach, nor can I unsee what has been seen.

Eww.

Madagascar 2 Sucks? What?

I don't really get it.

No, more like, I don't really get why people don't really get it.

Madagascar 2 is awesome, even though I didn't get to watch the prequel. Why did they say it sucks?

The smooth plot, the jokes, the flair that makes the movie move, I enjoyed and savour down to the tiniest bits (aye, the penguins rock, good job soldiers). Is it really that hard to, well, enjoy it? If you'd ask, I actually preferred M2 over Wall-E.

Prior to the day I went to watch it, 2nd bro Cless called me to ask me out for a drink during the weekend. Well of course I had to turn it down, so I told him that I'm going to watch a movie. When he found out that I was watching M2, he commented that 'it wasn't that good'. Well, no offense 2nd bro if you're reading this, but I really felt a bit 'huhhhhh' when you reviewed it in such a not-so-convincing way. :|

Well, not only reviews from friends were like that (received some of that even after the show), the reception of the audience sitting around me and gang while in the cinema were what I describe as 'awkward'. We seem to be the only ones laughing at most of the jokes, which I think the only reason was because the audience couldn't understand what they signify. I think my laughter could be heard all over the silent box when King Julien made that infamous personafication in French (not a spoiler :D), and them people would be thinking what's this arsehole sitting in the front hole laughing at?

Maybe I'm a bit of an elitist if I put it in this way, but the majority of the local community has been suppressed from knowledge of how the world runs. Yeah, perhaps the Internet has changed the way we lived our lives, but at where I'm staying, there are still people who still does not know how to use Google. That's probably why international-level jokes ain't much of a popular thing here. Thank you, MoE, for making our kids all into Solid Frogs sneaking around in coconut shells.

Seriously people, M2's jokes ain't that hard to understand if you've done your homework (like finding out who's the late George Peppard, which is regrettably one of the jokes that I failed to comprehend until I went back to my PC and Googled), and the whole show ain't really that hard to be enjoyed. So people, do me a good favour and go watch it another time (had plans for that) before you start telling people that it sucks.

I Was Twenty-Three

I was twenty-three when it all happened
the day Justice died and gone broken
faces on the streets and autumn gardens
none of which shown they weren't saddened

Alas, we were all tricked and betrayed
with our sense of direction was led astray
while the ones guilty laughed and play
and us the dying lot here could only pray

We have no option but to be brave
to defend the roads that we have paved
to fight and bring back what we could save
till the very end of our awaiting graves

Hear my plead, for the very least
for we must join our strengths and resist
together we must stop and slay the beast
that feeds off us greedily as it's feast

I was twenty-three when it all happened
the day Justice died and lay broken
but now, in the streets and autumn gardens
faces were no longer saddened, but hardened

For those who had sinned will surely pay
for their crimes that they've gotten away
while we will just laugh and say
They had finally met Judgment Day

We shall be rid of thieves and knaves
and seal them within the lion's cave
our children honouring the day we had saved
and flowers will lay on our heroes' graves

Hear me pray, for the very least
our future lays and live within our fists
For the day when the abusive cease
will be the day of long-lasting bliss

The Thin Fine Line of Racism

Define being a racist. Or rather, define NOT being a racist.

Yeah, that's the challenge I set for all of you who are reading it here. This is something that we cannot run away from, as unless you're a hermit or a hikikomori who refuses to step out from your safety circle to keep in touch in this world, you will always meet someone that does not belong to your race.

I live in a country called Malaysia, a place where multiple races (still attempting to) blend together and hang out with each other in order to achieve a display of feats that people of different racial backgrounds can mix with each other. Personally I don't think all of us are that open-minded, as I can sometimes hear from some of my fellow Chinese mates tagging the other races with not-so-pleasant names - though fortunately those narrow-minded people are just minorities. But I don't really care anyway, because what matters to me is what kind of a person you are, and not what colour your skin is.

There are people of different races whom I respected as well - The Buddha, Richard Feynmann, Charles Dickens, Morgan Freeman, King Abdullah II of Jordan, RPK etc. These individuals are people who possessed strong principles in their life, and taught me a lot of what it means to be a human in this life.

Personally, I disliked playing with the racism game, but there are times where I can't run away from being called a 'racist' person because of decisions that I have to make. Sharing an apartment on the same floor with 2 other African students has gave me some experience in that matter, as well as an issue that occured sometime ago when I had an ex-housemate (who also happened to be African) openly asking me 'Are you racist?' when I had to temporarily confiscate his properties because he couldn't clear off his rental debts to me. I had my duty to fulfill, and because of that I was tagged a 'racist'.

Let me get something straight about me - I'm not being mean to others because they are of a different race, but only because they are being complete jerks to me. And only jerks would go as low as to play with the racial card - calling others a 'racist' when they had been cornered by enforcement due to their own irresponsibilities and lack of morality.

Well, call me whatever you want, 'racist' or 'Nazi' or 'KKK', it doesn't escape the fact that those namecallers are a bunch of wussies who can't even defend their own rights. The racial card is only dealt when you demand for sympathy, but I don't sympathize jerks who were just asking for trouble.

In the same time, I'd like to convey my message to some of you political individuals in my country who had been playing with the racial card - how different are you from those jerks that I've encountered when you provoked our people with the racial issue? Unlike the others, personally I don't demand you to apologize, because I understand that jerks like you are immoral beings and immoral beings don't know what an 'apology' is. That's how hopeless you are.

心有鬼

你骗人 你撒谎 你到处伤天害理
你有罪 说没罪 脸皮厚得像铜壁
可是你的心 司马昭都不够你
连盲人都看到 你心中那只鬼

遮来遮去 你怎样遮一点都不够
盖这盖那 都永远盖不完这丑陋
耍的把戏 只是个骗小孩的魔咒
也骗不过 你眼前这群食鬼野兽

~死未~

你的心 有贼 有洗不净的霉味
你的眼 贱卑 有看不清的墨黑
再改再来过也 不能清除你的罪
除非替你啃噬了 你心里那只鬼

A Swirl of Dust (and maybe some ranting)

It's been a while. Been quite a while. I'm a lazy person when it comes to blogging. I don't have much to write other than, perhaps ranting on other's faults. Maybe because I don't love things enough, maybe I'm just a hypocrite writer, or maybe I'm just a hollow person deep inside me that I'm boring like a chalkless blackboard. Yeah maybe, possibilities up to infinity.

Well, my recent health downfall has brought me down to new lows - to a point where I felt I was breaking down physically and mentally. Had think of certain things around while I was stuck on the bed, things like the future (a bunch of noise), some weird and odd ideas out of 'creativity' (another bunch of noise but are regulars), and some memories (a bunch of forgotten noise that popped out of nowhere). I had been thinking of getting anew on this current lifestyle of mine and move on to a better one, and that includes (out of among the many things in my real life and what's not) the direction of this blog (thinking of maybe fixing my blog's URL and contents etc.) and what I want to do about this piece of crappy life I'm leading.

Well, this place is stagnant, so I guess it's time to make it flow a bit more. I had been much more deviant in the past (maybe I was naive and tried to be 'outspoken' at that time), but now I'm more silent nowadays because sometimes it's best (methinks) not to talk at all.

---

Oh yeah, the rant time.

Yeah, it's about you guys who DON'T know what a CINEMA is for.

A CINEMA is NOT a place for you to chat to your date/friends (and that includes explanation about the movie to that dumb date of yours). A CINEMA is NOT a place for you to chat to your phone either (and that includes when your mother calls). A CINEMA is NOT a place to show off your stupid ringtones repeatedly.

A CINEMA is a place for everyone who paid to watch a movie of their choice, in a wider screen and booming speaker systems, without much disturbance coming from everyone's cooperation so that everyone can have an enjoyable viewing experience. Anyone who's not going to a cinema for that sole reason SHOULD BE KICKED OUT, PREFERABLY BY A CERTAIN SPARTAN KING.



(Which also reminds me of that jerk who sat in front of me during 300 - guy was making stupid annoying sounds off the straw that he put in his mouth, and I have to tell him to knock it off.)

When will my fellow Malaysians ever learn to respect what a cinema is? That funny Digi ad with the 'ah beng' getting bashed after speaking so casually in the cinema, how many actually took it in heart as a lesson? Sadly and ultimately ironic, there are people who ignored the message within.

I'm going to report the next person who offends me in the cinema to the authorities that he or she is SUSPECTED OF FILMING THE SHOW ILLEGALLY. And I WILL DO IT THE NEXT TIME I GO THERE IF SOMEONE DISTURBS ME WITH STUPID WAYS IN THE CINEMA.

So to you who see this and will appear at whichever cinema I will be attending, please do this before entering the cinema :-

- Throw away your stupid phone, which you don't know how to put it to silent or off mode, into the dustbin.

- Throw away your dumb date or friends, who does not know how to watch the movie by him/herself and understand it by his/her own, into the dustbin.

- Throw away your tongue after cutting it, if you don't know how to shut your traps in the cinema, into the dustbin.

Else you better pray you do not bump into me when you commit your stupid deeds in the cinema.

So What Will You Lose ?

... if you stand aside and make way for those passengers in the sardine-packed elevators/passenger cars to make their exit first before you make your elegant entry onboard ?

... if you stop yourself from the habit of pressing the 'Close Door' button in the lift immediately after you entered the lift and after (or for sometimes even worse, before) you pressed the button for your floor ?

... if you stop your car in front of that zebra/tiger crossing for a while to let that kid cross the road ?

... if you slow down your car a little and let that car in front of you (whose driver was polite enough to put up a signal light) to enter the lane you're on ?

... if you refrain from pressing that proud car honk of yours to the car in front of you the second the green light blinks ?

... if you spend some time finding the actual end of the queue in front of that counter ?

... if you not hog the right lane of the expressway with 77 KM/H ? (The speed limit's 90 unless told, BTW.)

... if you put up your signal 10 seconds before you make your turn on that junction (instead of putting it up WHEN you turn) ?

Well, there's nothing for you to lose if you can be considerate and patient on the road.

In fact, you'd gain something. A pleasant experience. A smile. A way to improve yourself socially. And to the unseen eye, a good karmic seed for yourself for being a good driver/pedestrian.

English

Language of international-level usage which many still find it difficult to resort to.

It's the emergency jackhammer you find under your seat whenever you find yourself in a tight spot surrounded by 'alien-language-gibberish' foreigners that you don't know the origin of. And if all fails, maybe that officer behind the desk in some rural country you're having your sweet vacation would understand a couple of lines and offer the help you need in the midst of the bunch of people with their mouths jibbering *&^%$#@!.

Sad to say, I find some who shared the same heritage as I do had a bad time in it, to the point of unable to grasp the basics in a proper fashiion. OK, maybe exclude the Western-educated category, the so-called 'Banana' nicknamed by most of us who know our mother-tongue. External factors out of their own control led to this, so you can't blame them for being like, uhhh, less-fortunate. Poor choice in vocabulary, I know.

But unfortunately, there's quite a large number within the rest of the mother-tongue speaking + writing group that didn't fare well enough with this 'alien-tongue' that's composed of 26 simple alphabets (A for apple B for ball...) and perhaps quite a maze of a grammatical system (I am You are S/He is They are). In favor of the 'mother-tongue' they didn't invest enough skill points into English.

And it's even sad when they put up the excuse of doing poorly in English by putting up the 'mother-tongue pride'. Something like "For Mother Tongue ! Die you Englischists !". Further saddening would be that some of them eventually went to the lines of requesting for something that has to be exposed to them to be 'localised' to their flavor - mother-tongue flavored that is. They rather resort to a 'personal ghetto' to confine themselves away from their self-creating 'horrors of English'.

And perhaps something of the lines below sounds familiar ?

"i dun noe inglish n techer onli noe how 2 spk inglish so y dun giv mi chinese techer 2 tech me"

Don't look at me for that piece of crappish sentence-wannabe, I sucked at composing such poor-tasting comedy on my own. That's just part of my amateurish mimic skills of an attempt to reproduce one of the lines I found in a certain forums under the 'Education' category.

(And it further depresses me that the so-called 'elite students' who had straight A records will say something similiar to that line above too. Depressing future indeed.)

I've looked into the recent MUET results (which I have yet to take). I've looked into that piece of a document my mother forwarded me that was supposedly a formal letter addressing to issues of payment methods filled with backfired attempts to make the letter's author look 'professional'. I've recalled every nook and cranny of my memory fragments trying to recall the very bad moments of 'Engrish' that I've encountered in every piece of my life's experience.

And all those, are evidence. Evidence that, to me, proves how 'sick' my fellows who shared the same ethnic as me are when it comes to deal with this problem of theirs called 'Engrish'. I don't know what the cure is, but I know it's got nothing to do with enhancing the linguistic capabilities of my fellows, but more like to break the SOLID BARRIER of STUBBORNNESS and sit down properly and cope with their English.

I beg thee, people, to save yourself - English is not that tough as you think. In fact I'd rather find it much more reasonable and possible to flunk Maths than English.

A Very Commoner's Bash For "The Golden Compass"

Has been days (or weeks) since the last blog kicked the dust in this blog. Motivation is back again - after I hauled my bottoms to the cinema seat last Saturday to catch "The Golden Compass". Practically to say that the driving force behind my words is my disappointment towards the film was kinda an understatement - and it's the same sort of disappointment when you were told you were served cake, you're expecting a Black Forest but in the end what you get is a nifty piece of Pandan layer cake.

So yeah, taking out the details and putting it up in a rough manner, it tells about this girl in an alternate dimension who was destined to be able to decipher this 'know-it-all' compass, and what makes her so special is because she owns the last unit in the hood. Practically there's this governing force which seeks to destroy all of the compasses because they were afraid of the device 'telling the truth', and soon the girl has to run from them and puts up the fight etc. I won't go into the story much since it's based from the novel, and also I'm just here to bash up why I'm so... pissed about the film. And before I start off I will have to disclaim that, I HAVE NOT READ THE NOVEL YET, SO I'M JUST BASHING WHAT I FELT BAD ABOUT THE FILM.

The film started out OK, but at the middle to near end part, it was obviously rushed - a lot of scenes seem to take a shortcut and skipped over, leaving me in the 'huh ?' zone. It kinda started off at the part where Lyra was convincing the bear Iorek that he was cheated of his armour. Kinda backfired on me because the timeframe between when they first met and Iorek 100% buying Lyra's 'tip' of his armour's whereabouts is just too short - something seems to be quite missing there though, like since Iorek has been tricked, shouldn't he sound a bit more skeptical and paranoid by now?

Then it got worse - the bear crashed into the local governing office to find his armour, and the enforcers were like, standing so calmly aiming with their rifles in a half-circle formation, surrounding the office while waiting the bear the come out. Waiiiiitt a minute. Something seems wrong here. They are confronting a - bear - that went berserk, not some group of bank robbers that's trying to get away with their booty and holding a hostage or two. I thought there was supposed to be more panic in the air, but somehow it was like, no one gives a crap about it.

An unintentional sexual innuendo follows next ("Do you mean, you want to ride me?"), then soon after a turn of events it was the bear fights bear scene, which was lacking in epicness for some reason (I guess I will have to blame the bears surrounding the ring for not bringing up the atmosphere enough - they are armoured bears dammit, but they cheered like wimps). But, the next part is what that really bothers me the most - Lyra trying to run across the natural rock bridge over this ravine. Iorek was like a fan for a losing basketball team yelling desperately at the TV, telling her not to look down, not to blah blah and stuff. Then when Lyra reached the middle of the bridge, the rock bridge starts to fall apart and Iorek panically yelled at Lyra to run, and then suddenly and quite surprisingly, the scene jumps to shows her ALREADY at the other end. So she can somehow magically teleport...

Then afterwards it was Hell - Cliché Hell. Think of "The cake is a lie" and then "I am your father". At that point I was already feeling quite uneasy at my seat, shifting myself in ATTEMPT to cool down my mind due to the cheesiness of the scenes (note : still the SCENES of the FILM, and not bashing the novel... yet?). And then, the escape scene was another big 'huh?' for me. How did the bear got over there in time ? I don't mean how he crossed the ravine (Scoresby the aeronaut solves the problem), but what I mean is - how the HECK did he appear that spontaneously to block the attack of the guard, without the guards detecting his presence in the first place? I guess he knows how to magically teleport as well...

The battle scene was... a mess. Practically what I see was a swarm of black figures fighting each other in the midst of chaos, and which is which or who is who is quite the great mystery there. Then of course the heroes' side won the battle and swiftly left the scene after that (but wait, there are wounded and dying comrades around the place !), and another unintentional sexual innuendo ("Come let us sleep." - sounds pretty mild, but then... it's between Lyra and her boy acquantaince, and the bear which she 'rode' before. Ewww.) before the film wraps up with a cliffhanging deus ex machina for a coming sequel.

So yeah, I walked out of the cinema, bringing with me the shock that almost caused me to have 'amnesia' to forget what I did that night. It doesn't help when all this disappointment has to be served with the fact that the cast was quite high prolifically. Ian McKellen's voice acting was great, but his role for Iorek was a brutal letdown thanks to sloppy scriptwriting. Daniel Craig was just a decoration vase - I guess he was given the unnecessarily-included and unrelated fighting scene with the Samoyeh's just to make up with his participation. The only saving grace would be, hands down, Nicole Kidman's portrayal for the personality-contradicting Mrs. Coulter. Dakota Blue Richards has the potential to play the 'mischievious, cunning girl' type, though it seems she will have to participate in a better movie to make her own portfolio look better.

So yeah, in short, the film was ruined because to me, it was rushed and the director and his team were being careless in the end. There goes my money to buy that ticket for a moment of great disappointment.

The Broken Piece

November 5th 2007, 11pm.

The cat, with it's mouth full of blood, caught it's last breath. Kneeling on my knees next to it, deep in my heart a solemn prayer rang as I felt the last inch of life left the body.

For the past day it suffered on the no-man's-land on the 12th floor of the apartment my unit is, stuck in the tiny little space under the heat of the sun and the beatings of the cold rain. Should have it's calls not reach my ears, I wouldn't know it was there.

At first I tried to rescue it by tying one of my pails to a nylon string and hoped that it jumped in - but it wouldn't want to.

So I waited for a day - which is today - and went to it again. This time, hunger motivated it to catch this chance to jump.

But it had been something that couldn't avoided - that I did not expect the nylon used to carry the pail be that fragile. It must have taken it's toll, oxidising as the years kept in store flies by.

The cat was struggling it's last few breaths as I reached the ground floor. I carried it under the shades from the rain, and every weak moan it made for the pain strikes into my heart - but I knew I must at least hold it out and be beside it till the end.

It has been abandoned up there for long enough, after all. Saving a strand of time for it worths much more than it was paid for.

I tried to come up with a prayer but there was none I could remember. There was nothing I can do to it except to watch it pass away. One could say it died in my hands, but I know well that the blood did taint my hands, but it did not taint my heart - after all, I TRIED TO SAVE IT. Yet it was a string's length away, but so near yet so far. I was angry at myself for it too, but felt pointless to do so and decided to let that anger go.

Many walked by me, seeing a guy silently next to a cat, trying to figure out what's going on. But I told them to move on, as I don't want to have too many sympathetic eyes watching. Because, I am already occupied by a pair of eyes - the cat's blank stare was filled with pain and probably anguish, as if it was asking whether it itself had regret taking this choice of getting in the pail or not.

But Karma has such ways to bring people together. One of the guys came by and recognized the cat - apparently he has been feeding the cat for all these while. I took the chance to ask the guy to get me a box as the cat's final resting place. Shortly before the guy returned with a carton, the cat passed away, and I said my final prayers - for a better next life, and one day we might again, in better conditions perhaps - to it before placing the body in.

I had nowhere to place it's 'coffin', and even though the dumpster was the least favorable place that I want to put it, but I knew it has spent it's living days feeding and playing at that place. At least, let it feel it's familiar place just for once more...

As I wrote until here, I know well that all the bottled feelings throughout the whole incident had been placed in my words here. The song "Gentle Hands" has long stopped playing, and there is nothing much I can do now. Probably except to get a new pail to replace the broken one, and also to get a new objective in life to replace this broken piece of memory.

Mechas : Practical ?

For months and months AND months, whenever boredom hits the switch in my mind to "garbage-recycle-process" mode, the first thing that appears in my mind would be this bugger question :-

'How practical is a mecha, in terms of actual military application ?'

When I was a kid, I really like big giant robots - they are capable of demonstrating great strength, versatility and kickarse. But the process of growing up taught me that, nay nope it's impossible to build something like that in the first place.

I have left this issue to my left and right brain for discuss everytime this question kicks in, and none could came up with a clear answer for it. Here are some of the findings that were processed :-

(1) They are expensive to produce and maintain. Hell I can buy a whole panzer division with that, along with feeding the crew for months.

(2) They are quite delicate. Looks very to me. Just take out their arms and they are practically walking tin cans with the potential to become an iron coffin. Or just take out only ONE of their legs and they are truly tin cans.

(3) They are big and tall, so everyone sees them. I mean, it's not good if EVERYONE sees them. It's as if it carries an imaginary giant "HIT ME" sign whenever it goes. Also don't fit in small spaces, and mayors hate them.

(4) They fly. Yes, given the point that it's an advantage over ground units, but throwing in the 'bonus' of it being big, tall and obvious + extremely vulnerable blind spot at the back (where most of the time the jetpack is installed, ironically), it's suddenly not so much of an long-lasting advantage anymore.

(5) Some of them can actually transform. That's going into the treasurer's tab for extra research on how to fit all the parts from humanoid form to some vehicular form. And besides, it kinda beats the purpose of making it into a humanoid form if it has a vehicular form and still can perform combat equally.

(6) They were made to look cool and flashy. By far the only fact that sounds decent to me. Well, at it's own era the Spanish Armada looks cool and flashy too.

......

But that doesn't mean I despise mechas for being scrap metal or something - there are those that I actually find practical. Take, for instance, the design of the Landmates in Appleseed, which fantastically demonstrates great manueverability, speed and endurance, and can be deployed into various kinds of battle environments. If there's anything the government should invest into, it's that.

I guess it won't be that soon before we humans can come up with an actual one that's practical - we're still in the bomb-defusing bot era anyway. Maybe the aliens out there knows how, but if they invade us with that, I think we know how to deal with them now...

得空没事做 Nothing To Do

坐在电脑前，很无聊。Sitting in front of my PC, feeling bored.

考试考完了。Exams are over.

动画看完了。Anime done watching, for the time being.

音乐听厌了。My songs ain't cheering me up either.

书也读完了。Finished reading the books I have.

很想把头往键盘敲。Feeling like banging my head on the keyboard.

闷到屁这样。Feeling as bored as flatulence now.

有点活得不耐烦了。As if I'm starting to lose my patience in leading my life.

真的，这样很吸。Now this really sucks.

真的希望有点好事让我做啊。。。Really hope there's something good for me to do...

这样我就不用在这里。。。　So I don't have to be stuck at here doing...

英格里斯－特兰斯特雷德－徒－材尼斯。。。Ying Wen Fan Yi Cheng Hua Wen...

<____<

Another Comeback

Been a while since I blogged (laziness to be blamed), and funny that I made ANOTHER comeback just because to spill my frustration out of some silly issues. Kinda lost track of what I left out since I placed my last post, but as usual, loads of things happened, and even more loads of things changed. But I can't bind myself to blog up all these chaos all the time, as I find wasting my life in various other ways is much more productive than this.

Well, I blog for no one save for a few of my close pals and perhaps by luck, a couple of cyber-wanderers. Who is actually that interested to waste their precious time browsing though all the ramblings of a no-life nobody anyway?

I don't know, but my family's pressure is starting to get into me lately (especially on my uh, relationship status of being single and still looking). 22 and the half, and Dad would've told me that at this age he was doing so and so, achieving so and so. I don't know, probably I'm just slow in pace, but there's no red line to mark a standard and prove that I fall below it and fail in Life. I find myself being able to manipulate words in a certain manner, And I figure out I just need some space to make it work out.

Though I do admit - at times I felt quite lonely, and I find the need for companionship. Very close companionship. Not that I'm desperate, but I just need someone to share out my feelings.

Lately family's been quite involved in various social events all thanks to Dad's involvement in my former primary school's PTA as well as being part of the committee in the Buddhist lodge my family frequented. I consider that as an expansion for my family's social circle, and that especially benefits my younger siblings. But I guess partly because of that, I'm feeling more pressured as well.

End of this post, but I felt a little more confused than I started typing. Probably I should also take a 'long walk' and shut myself off the world or something too, but on second thought, nah. Or probably better, I should just reduce my self-isolation from the rest of the world.

Yahoo Messenger 8.1 Status Problem - Cut Short to 40 !!!

UPDATE : HERE'S A FIX !!! Kudos to the author !

Yahoo! decides to steal Christmas and cuts the size of the messenger's status down to a inhumane 40 characters, while keeping quiet without making announcements just to see the whole lot of us get sucked up into a turmoil.

Well, who the hell can express anything in the status for 40 characters ?! I can't even put up a proper sentence in it, which is outrageous for a Grammar Nazi like me !!!

To prove that Y! is messing with us :-

(1) Go to your Yahoo!\Messenger\Cache folder.
(2) Find for this file 'system.xml' and open it up with your Notepad

You should see the following lines :-

...max_custom_status>40...

See ?! It's been made official unofficially !!!

Someone ought to knock them some sense into explaining what is the purpose of this underhanded trick. For a big company like them to do something without explaining their actions properly is like a dog trying to pretend to be a rat stealing from the kitchen.

T-Dramas - YUCK

Hear me clearly while I'm going to rant this out like a old man in angst mode.

TAIWANESE POP IDOL DRAMA SERIES SUCKS TO THE MAX.

This is not the first time that I'm saying this, and neither will it be my last. I'm spouting this all again because I simply can't stand watching my sister giggling on it for the past 2 days. I DON'T FOR THE BIG F'S SAKE UNDERSTAND WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT IT.

Seriously, I don't see what's the attracting factor or hype behind these T-Dramas (as I put it for easier typing), nor do I understand why people can go crazy about them. Since well, I DESPISE them.

I'm not judging a book by it's cover. It's not even qualified to be called a book at all, and it can go and 'keep it's cover' (equivalent to Cantonese "sau pei" or Mandarinized, "sou pi" - keep skin, that is).

I tried watching one of them (all thanks to nothing-much-to-do-in-hometown during CNY), and out of the sickening boredom I ended up commentating to my relatives who were in front of the tube ala bad comedian style. Predicting the not-so-surprising plots and complaining that the characters are out of sync. In the end I eventually gave up and go play with the kids instead.

Lack of originality. Lack of common sense. Lack of a proper storyline. Lack of decent acting skills. Total FAIL being Japanese/Korean drama wannabes. And to make things worse, the spotlight is placed on those 'actors' who only have their 'looks' (what looks? Ughhh yuck) to sell to their audience. In simpler terms, they are just LOUSY and all they do is just making my skin crawl down right to my spine.

I cannot comprehend why T-Dramas exist. Maybe it's got the same reason as why porn existed - for visual desires. Like how people out there want to see skin, there are people who long for the looks of girly boys and the figure-out-of-shape girls.

Title causes goosebumps all over body. Storyline is as good as non-existant - for this you will have to watch for some time and it shall proof itself. And what character development ? More like it's the inverse of growth - retardation, I call it.

And every one of these stinky T-Dramas will have the similiar stuff in them.

Like how this character is a joke for doing some obviously stupid stuff and going emotionally down because of some crappy issues, like (most of the time) LOVE affairs. No problem becomes small problem, small problem becomes big problem, and big problem becomes a giant joke. Not as a element of humor, but as an ultimate humiliation towards the intelligence of mankind. And do take note that the fashion of those characters are most of the time, MUCH MORE HORRIBLE THAN UNDEATH. And wait till you see their fans wearing the same thing - I don't even want to recall what I see on the streets.

I mean, YES, this is a DRAMA, but there are LIMITS of being DRAMATIC. OVERDRAMATIC is just LAME, and them scriptwriters should be CASTRATED for their inability to balance out the elements and come out with a DECENT ORIGINAL storyline that actually WORKS. They really should go live a life and quit watching those Japanaese/Korean dramas and mimic what's inside.

Before I conclude my rant, I have this sudden thought in my mind - what if my future life partner is a T-Drama diehard fan ?

Oh snap.

Thoughts Flying Through The Twilight

Another new year has passed. A Chinese New Year. Pochi's gone, now Porky's in the way.

I'm in front of my PC back in my hometown, listening to one of the NHK Ni Youkoso's OSTs. Slow jazz. Saxophone. And a quiet twilight alone. One of the perfect atmospheres to start writing a little in this dusty corner.

Just finished the whole series of NHK today. Could've watched it earlier when no-wing introduced it to me, but my HDD space was quite limited at the time, and I find it a little outrageous to my tastes. Plus not forgetting to mention, the 1st episode nearly gave me a headache (for real) due to the disorientating background music.

But since I've got some time out recently due to certain factors and Gendou's was offering DDLs, I decided to watch it to kill some time - and maybe a little of myself. That's what I thought.

But I managed to finished it up. Not bad at all, and at least GONZO didn't quite screw up the end this time (well they have the knack to do it all the time). Or did they? There's still a slight part where I don't quite understand throughly, but that's actually not quite important. Probably.

While watching, I came to realize that a lot of the stuff in the series is similiar to what I'm facing in my life now. A hell lot similiar than I ever thought of. But to the very least (and gratefully), I'm not a 'hikikomori'.

I guess the problem with me is that I really hated how my life is dangling in reality. Hated it so much that I cannot find a place to suit myself in. But at least for now, I've grown and is no longer that 'me' a couple of years ago anymore, where I could not decide where I want to go or what I want to be. I have to admit that I've been lucky all this while.

I thought over the words that I've listened for the past few weeks. Thinking over and over again on how things are not turning fine on my side, and how bleak the path in front of me is. I had been struggling to make the decision, on the next move that I'm supposed to make. To continue on my current course or not.

I really disliked how the things are going in my course, how the subjects are taught and stuff. To me, they are not quite bringing to what I want to be. I can say that I'm totally blaming it to the quality of education that I'm receiving.

That is why I'm learning on my own nowadays. Though slower, but I'm getting a hang of it. Ruby. GIMP. GoogleSketch. Things where I can learn my very basic set of skills. Where I can understand the fundamentals better.

It may be a little too late for me to be regretting my choice or stuff like that now, but I don't really care about it. Half of my life still lay in front of me. If I have to go through the lousy way, I will have to at least make it to the end.

I looked back at the characters in NHK Ni Youkoso. They may be at the society's lowest tiers, but at least they worked hard for their own future and fought for it. They don't want to be losers.

Neither do I.

......

......

......

Guess what.

I'm feeling lonely.

Not just tonight. From the past few months, to right now, and running into the future.

At times I have my family and friends to share out some of the moments, but the rest of the time it's up to myself. I've been like that for so long, yet I can't tell whether I'm used to it or not.

I laughed when my sis suggested that I might get better if I get myself a partner. But in truth, I don't know whether it works or not. Maybe it might. Or maybe it will just backfire and add in another load of bull into my life. Maybe being single is still fine for me now.

Drinking. I thought about it at times. Nah. I'm not into intoxification. I'm already wasted enough. Probably something else will do. Maybe music. Like, jazz. Like this song that I've repeated. Something that helps in expressing myself comfortably.

Yeah. Yeap. Just like this.

Oh well, I've already written what I want to write. Probably will come back when things gets worse. Or perhaps, better.

CURSED

Couldn't bring myself to blog nowadays. Things are not going well as it seems - too many things to worry, too many things to think, and too many things to fix.

Felt like I'm hanging upside-down. Felt like whatever I'm doing doesn't make any sense at all. Felt like being sucked into a downward spiral-shaped vortex.

Been trying to free myself from those stupid thoughts. They are easy ways out, but I'm taking the hard way, not only because of my ego, but also to satisfy what others think about me. And I'm sick of these moments.

Gah. And yet I have to pretend all this crap does not affect me at all. And the more I pretend, the worse the whole situation gets. Sometimes I wished I could just crumble down and break into pieces, but I can't even do that. And that makes me even more sick of myself.

I'm going to yell this loud and clear in this dusty corner of mine :-

I DON'T WANNA FCKING LIVE IN A SOCIETY COMPOSED OF EVERY HUMAN'S DISILLUSIONS. BUT EVEN I WANNA BREAK FREE, I'M STILL BOUNDED BY THOSE FCKING DISILLUSIONS ON MY ANKLES. I NEED TO BREAK THOSE FCKING CHAINS, BECAUSE THEY BRING ME NOWHERE BUT TO DOWN TO THE DEPTHS OF THE STUPIDITY OF MANKIND.

Heck. Sometimes I need that expressing - makes a better person out of me.

I'm cursed - cursed of knowing too much. Cursed to realize the fact that the cages are there. And cursed that most of the people around me are content of living in those cages. Sometimes I wished I was dumber and more stupid, because I will not think too much and work myself out like a donkey in a mill.

I always hoped that I will find my way out of this crap. No. Better still, I will pave it out. I wanna show those people out there that, I'm not going to meet up with their expectations of me being one of the best in this society - and no way I'm going to take that title, because I'm more than that. Very much more.

OMG IT'S DA REAL THING !!!

Finally !!! I got my hands on the real thing.

Aizome. Mamiko Noto. The ending theme of Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori. Waited for months until my neck has expanded in length. Ohhh it's like an angel singing in the darkness and red.

New things are coming in too. New semester, new tenants, and new crapload coming. Oh gosh it's going to be another roller coaster ride.

Oh well, back to Aizome. >:)

What The Rice Bowl Told Me

I broke a rice bowl today.

Doesn't sound like a great deal, ain't it? Yet, who knows breaking a bowl has a pound worth of lessons in it? At least, I do now.

Well, I was doing the dishes when it happened. I have a bad habit of stacking up the dishes like a Royal London Circus show when I wash them, and it so happened that after all those years of happy-go-luckiness, that bad habit of mine finally claimed that innocent porcelain bowl that has been used for years.

I was like, "Oh shi-" with one big eye and the other small, while Mum - as expected - ranted beside me : "See? Told you this will happen..."

DING. My mind chimed all of a sudden. Ain't this similiar to what happens when a sudden event was triggered ? Like, a car crash, an explosion or the sorts ?

Come to think of it, we live a life inside our own bubbles. Even though the world is harsh, the society is demanding and crap happens everyday, but somehow all of us manage to shape our lives to steer clear from them - most of the time - and gradually, it becomes a routine. And when it becomes a routine, we tend to think : "Yeah, I've been doing this for all this time, and nothing bad can happen if I do it like this."

But, what if suddenly, something unexpected happens and crashes your life ? And adding to it, no one or nothing can give you a - very obvious - sign to tell you that what you're doing routinely has long-termed negative effects, or something bad could happen and your life goes crash. And even worse - we always ignore the tell-tale signals, the advice of experienced individuals, and even our own conscience just for the sake of our own life's convenience.

Just like how I broke the bowl today.

Oh well, what's happened cannot be undone. A bowl that has served my family well for ages, now lying in the trash can waiting for it's unspoken fate. My hands seek for forgiveness, and that's why tonight, I blogged.

R.I.P., porcelain rice bowl.