13th September 2005

I have been reluctant to post this up, but I knew that in the end I have to...

To the memories of a fellow creature that have survived for a few days, despite what the others say it couldn't stand a day...



13th September 2005

11am

I was already late for my Games Application I class, and as I sneaked through the usual illegal shortcut to campus, a familiar whining sound caught my ears. As again, I'm the nosy type who can't get my business off animals in need. So I set off to investigate where the kitten is.

To my shock, I found it exposed, next to a wooden gate of someone's lawn, still unable to walk and see properly. Normally cats will place their young in a safe place wit sufficient cover, but leaving a baby kitten in the open is too outrageous. Since the mother was nowhere to be seen, I carried the baby kitten into the shade provided by a pot of plants. Before I left, I prayed that the mother will return soon, but I will return later to check whether it's brought to somewhere safe or not.

3pm

Returned from Dengkil with lunch. I remembered what I was supposed to do, and returned to the same spot to see whether the kitten's fine or not. I had a greater shock when I found it lying on the cement walkpath, not moving, and a troop of ants were marching pass it's body. I touched it to see whether it's still alive or not, and to my relief it responded, but it appeared much more weaker compared to the time when I met it in the morning. Quickly, I brought it to La Tumis, the restaurant in Cyberia where cats normally hang around. I brought it to the couple of cats with the same colour as the kitten, but they just stared at the kitten... and left !!! I was pissed, but I expected that to happen too, since those cats normally slack around and they don't pretty much look like the type where they will take care of their young, espacially when it's not theirs.

Anyway, I went off to buy some milk, and started to feed it with the aid of a straw. This, of course, failed, since kittens only feed directly through the milk glands. Later on I tried another tactic - pouring the milk directly on my hand, and let the kitten lick it. Well it sort of worked, but it's not enough to fill the hunger of the kitten.

Anyway, this fuss attracted a lot of attention, wanted or unwanted. The security guards and one of the waitress in the shop which I knew, came and gave me a lot of advice on what I should do, and providing some tissues for me to clean the kitty up (there was some, uh, crap stuck between it's exit and tail, anyway...), even though some of them figured that the kitten might not live for long. But thankfully they were there, because they saved me from being panic (To be honest, I was afraid it might die in my hands...)

Of course, unwanted attention was around the spot too. Murmurs were around, going like 'Hey, it's a baby kitten' or 'Wow, it's so little'. There was even once when I overheard the conversation of 3 girls passing by, arguing that it wasn't a kitten, but a mouse instead ! Sigh...

4pm

I fell into conversation with a girl (smoking...), and suddenly I spotted someone familiar in shades... wait a minute ! Wasn't that Bunny Aznan supposed to be in the States until the next semester ?! Anyway he spotted me, and he told me he just came back, and he returned early because he was homesick. He saw the kitten too, and I told him everything that happened.

Later on I called down Slade (Aznan was unable to contact him for some odd reason), and Slade came down together with Paul to meet up with the Bunny. Then we started chatting about the Bunny's life in the States for the whole month, but of course we didn't forget about the kitten (who was trying hard to sleep, but it fel cold). Bunny advised me to place it on my own lap, and well, it worked well and the kitten slept like it was in it's mother's warmth.

And well, I couldn't escape without comments from them, such as 'The Kitten's Mother','Animal Companion',and such... but well, at least they were there when I need someone for advice. Thanks guys, if you're reading this, but well, I think it's impossible for me to take that advice of you guys for adopting it myself, since my parents are strongly against it. And Aznan, tell your sister I really appreciate her offer to help, even though she's busy and barely have time to take care of it. Should I 'belanja' next time or something?

6pm

Finally, I brought it back to my penthouse. I placed it in a small plastic tub, with the base of it covered with tissue, and I let it sleep under the warmth of my hand (and it smells a bit like cheese, since a bit of the milk was accidently spilled on it's fur). But, like what them guys said, it really needs a lot of warmth and food in it's infancy, and everytime I leave it for a few minutes, it will surely wake up to the lack of warmth and started whining again. Well, it really took me awhile before I got the hang of it...

I forgot to bring back the milk I've bought, and as it was thrown, I asked Slade to go down and buy some milk for it (Thanks again... I owe you twice...). As he left, I sat there on the chair, with the tub holding the kitten on my lap, eyes closed, but my mind was thinking: "Well, being a Mum isn't an easy thing." I imagined mothers going through the 9 months of carrying and caring, and the next few years of efforts in educating the child. And now here what I have here is nothing compared to the task of any mother in the world, but this gives an idea on normally what mothers face.

7pm

I'm sitting down in front of my PC, typing out this whole story now. The kitten's still sleeping on my lap, occasionally waking up whining, and I have to massage it with my right hand while typing with my left. Less than three hours before Aznan's sister arrives, and I started thinking again.

I could have leave it there in that lawn like that, as if it's none of my business. Why should I bring this fuss to myself, even though I knew that I can't even take care of myself properly ? I must be crazy enough to drive myself into this situation.

I thought in another perspective again. It was Karma. It was that force that drove me to meet up with this abandoned kitten. The timing was right, the person was right, and the kitten happened to be in need. It wasn't destiny - it's just (I don't know how to explain it) plain old Karma.

Then I realized - soon, I might not be able to see it again. In fact, it might not remember me in the future, when it gets older. That's why, for the next two hours, I will put in all my efforts into taking good care of this little life here. It has been very strong, because I sensed it has a very strong will to live, despite the harsh conditions it has gone through. Without a mother, without someone to take good care of it until now. I must be strong too, even though I suck in taking care of animals, but I must, because I have chose (and maybe chosen) to take care of it, until proper care for it arrives.

9pm

I gave it a bath, not quite a proper one. And naturally, it started whining. After I dried it up, I tried to feed it but it seems like it dislike the smell. Eventually I cleaned up my hand and let it lick on it.

Then, I massaged it until it sleep. It seemed to like it, and I hummed the tune I've made earlier to let it sleep. All of a sudden, my heart felt empty. It's going to be fine, and soon Bunny's sister is going to fetch it to place it under the care of her cats. But why am I feeling this, this sad feeling?

I started to play Freecell, but my tears betrayed me while I massaged the kitten with my left hand, humming the tune. It's going to a safer place, it will be fine, I told myself. Yeah, I can't keep it, and I don't know how to take good care of it,, so I have to send it somewhere good for it. It's going to be fine.

Please excuse me, I really have to calm myself for a while.

10pm

I finally calmed myself down, at least.

But well, the kitten has accustomised itself to the warmth of my hands. Now I have to carry it on my left while I typed with my right. Gah, I need to take a pee, but it won't let me go for it !!!

Aznzn hasn't call me yet. I'm starting to get a little frustrated. But well, can't force it if I asked for it, right?

Ah damn it, I guess I have to do it the hard way... I mean, I really need to use the toilet now !!!

11pm

Kak Aina was a very kind lady. Though it was already late, she still came for the sake of the kitten. I felt pretty sorry for Aznan too, because he was starting to get sleepy, and yet he has to come down to let me meet his sister.

I placed the kitten in a shoebox, and it starts to whine again due to the uncomfortableness. I tried to give it some warmth by placing my hand on it, but well, it wasn't satisfied. So it whined the whole way from my place to the mini round-a-bout in Cyberia. Kak Aina really has a way with cats - the instance I gave her the kitten, she managed to calm it down.

Before I left, Kak Aina asked me whether I want to keep it if it's old enough. Well, frankly, I don't know, and my parents probably won't allow a cat in the apartment. But well, I'd see how things turn out 1st.



September 24th, exactly one week later...

I contacted Kak Aina, through Aznan, and she informed me that it managed to go on for another 5 days before passing away peacefully that Sunday.

I managed to hold back my own feelings when I received the news, and started to stop blaming myself for being too late and unable to provide the help it needed. But I have to go over it, through it, and letting it go.

Well, I've made a wish, wishing that the kitten can enter a realm better than it's current state. Wishing that it will do better in it's next life, if there's any for it.

Ahh finally I've got it done (I'm so ashamed of myself...)

Assignment Title : Level Design of the Stars and Stars Formation

= Stars =




- boxes, huge and brown in colour
- floats in "midair", mobile
- can be used for softlanding, firecover, and helps in blocking the enemy's view
- three-dimensional positioning i.e. consists of position x, y & z

= Formation =

- the number of stars are deployed in random, but there were occasions where no stars were deployed
- deployment of the stars are generated randomly, however any army can change the positions of the stars to their favor if they have sufficient time
- since it's null-G in the Battleroom, the stars can be placed in fixed positions, and can be sticked together without the aid of any adhesive-natured material, thus building "walls" are possible

= References of star formations deployed in certain battle scenes in Ender's Game =

Legend :
- Red/Blue Lines - Army Gates
- Brown Boxes - Stars

1st battle, Salamander (Blue) vs. Leopard (Red)



- deployment and quantity generated randomly
Quote : "Huge brown boxes were suspended in midair, partially obstructing the view. So these were the obstacles that the soldiers called stars."



2nd battle, Rat (Blue) vs. Centipede (Red)



- deployment and quantity generated randomly
Quote : "...under cover of stars quickly..."



3rd battle, Dragon (Blue) vs. Rabbit (Red)



- 7-8 stars, scattered
Quote : "... with the seven or eight stars scattered through the grid."



4th battle, Dragon (Blue) vs. Badger (Red)



- deployment and quantity generated randomly
Quote : "...with the battleroom so filled with a labyrinth of stars..."



5th battle, Dragon (Blue) vs. Griffin & Tiger (Red)



- four stacked to form a wall in front of the Dragon gate to block their vision (assuming they are placed to stick together, since Dragon has to route from the side to take a peek on the enemy positions), and eight on Griffin & Tiger to form a fortress-like defence outside their gates.
Quote : "Only three meters out there were four stars together, completely blocking the view from the door." "They've got eight stars making a square around their door."

Feeling Dead

Nothing worse than feeling dead, yet still breathing. Yeah I'm feeling it right now, and it's not my first time feeling like that.

No direction. No motivation. No purpose. Just plain dead, like a corpse that turned cold on one of the freezing Antartica icebergs. It sucks to think that things in this material world aren't that appealing to me now. Even stuff I like to do seems pointless to me to continue doing now.

Then, I remembered what Aylwin, a friend of mine, wrote in his blog. From the story, anyone could become dull if they stress themselves too much, and also if they confined themselves in an environment, willingly or not.

Hmm. Maybe I should break something. Argh. I will just go and take a short nap for now, maybe for a few minutes. I think if my conscience permits, I will put up another post to update my pathetic conditions now. Adios.

Dang Dang Dilly Ding Dong

That's the sound of my mind creaking. It's like a mechancal time bomb ticking with it's countdown, but the explosive material is instead composed of wet gunpowder. In other words, I felt like exploding but in the end I won't, and that really sucks.

This world is NUTS. I'm referring to what happened to the US when Katrina hit New Orleans with a WHOOSH. I've been reading a lot of crap that happened to their government, about politicians praising the minority of heroes when people out there are dying, the mess that's going on the Internet when people there are desperate for help, and WORSE is people are trying to take advantage through this incident - the traditional "Robbing a house in fire" style.

Where should I start ? Oh yeah, first from SomethingAwful.com. It's a site which I constantly visit for my daily dose of comedy, pranks and sarcasm, and now it's down due to the breakdown of the server in New Orleans (in other words, it's now swimming...). Currently the guys in SA is hosting their temporary site using the same domain name, but now they are reporting and updating people about how crap is going in that place, ala SA style.

I'm not pissed about the way SA do things with their sarcastic ways - I'm more pissed about how their readers respond when SA is REALLY trying to get help from people to assist the Katrina victims, and also about Paypal, because it's automated system barred SA's Paypal account which was used for collecting donations for the Katrina victims, without questioning the reason properly.

There are a lot of people who hate SA - hating them for rendering politicians ugly, hating them for making a joke out of people around the globe, and some hating them for no apparent reason (well, kinda makes sense, since there are a lot of people who lived without any apparent reason).

And until now, there are readers who think that SA was actually making a prank out of the Katrina incident (the site creator Lowtax posted out some flames he received from these trolling readers), saying that the unfortunate incidents that hitted on SA served them right or whatsoever. To me, those trolling readers deserve a heavy spank for not opening their eyes properly to judge what's right or wrong and also making up conclusions just with their pathetic views. SUCKERS.

Next comes the humanity within during the visit of Katrina's - it's FREAKING horrible. The chaos within is even worse than any war in the world, because this time, no one knows who's the good guy or the bad one. And also there are people who tried to take advantage from the aftermath - Rapists preying on victims, thieves stealing goods that were left behind by victims, robbing the dead and sorts and sorts of outrageous things. But that's considered minor, because there's something bigger than those petty crimes.

Bureaucracy. Sectors that exist coherently to share out the burden of governing the country, yet there are loopholes in the system. And to make it worse, people (the villians) abusing the loopholes for their own benefit. These people, these VILLIANS, have hearts that are rotting in their own material world.

I felt angst and grave in the same time - that's why I'm writing this post to express my very own view. If you disagree at any of the points that I shared out, feel free to post it in the comments, but NO AD SPAMMING please. Thank you.

More Quiz Results...

I'm a REAL sucker when it comes to these things... But well whatever...

(NOTE: Ignore what the picture tells you !!! The words are much much much much much more important !!!)


- You Are The Wayward Heart

"Feel Better."


You are best described as 'Emotional Support'.
Anytime an emotional issue comes up or
something stresses people out, you are there to
help them feel better about it. Whether you are
the prankster of the bunch, the funny one, the
wild one, or just the shoulder to cry on - your
traits favor what it takes to keep people
going. You like large groups of people and have
many friends. When something hits home for you,
however, you have a hard time with it. You also
have difficulty paying attention or focusing on
one thing. Above all, though, if people are
happy, you are happy.


Which Classic Story Role Do You Play?
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Sad...


Who exactly ARE you? (AnImE PiCs)
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