Life's Like A Game Of Minesweeper

Well, gotta admit I was too emo on the last post - thanks to Fireburn and EwA for pointing out my 'cardio black hole'. Maybe I should lighten the mood a little in this post.

Had been slacking around again, and still not satisfied on my progress (especially on my personal projects). The newspapers for the whole week are in a heap now, yet I don't felt bothered much by the headlines - disputes between Uncle and Doctor, blah bleh blah, disputes between Uncle and Doctor again, bleh blah bleh.

Had never got a nice sleep for the past 2 days - shop lot behind undergoing renovations, and drill-drill-drill whole day long since the morning. Can't - get - sleep. Eventually I had the urge to go get some hand grenades and lobe them into that big open hole and blow out those drilling Krauts, but killing anything alive including those noise-inducing mecha Nazis on this rock in the Solar System is penalized by iron bars and free back treatment, so I'd have to pass the idea and close up the whole house like a WWII underground bunker. Hopefully they won't operate on this perfect Sunday morning, or I'll have to operate something to release gas.

Though today, went out for dinner, and, uh, I think that should be the last time I venture to that restaurant - the food is... never mind. After that, I hanged around the bridge over the LDP for a while - while munching on that KitKat Cornetto (or is it something else?) and listening to my phone's radio. Somehow it's just comfortable standing on top of the center of the highway - neverending breeze, sodium vapour lights, tremor of the vehicles rumbling below the feet, and the company of random songs from the stations. I thought of trying that again next night, but definitely I'm going to skip that restaurant.

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Well, later on I returned to my ghetto, turned on my monitor screen, and heck, still don't know how to put what I want to write into proper words. Turned on Minesweeper, started playing. Then my mind was dulled by the clicking, and the inner voice spoke :-

"Life's like a game of Minesweeper. You click your first step, not knowing the puzzle - and you will never know what the puzzle is unless you uncover the tiles one by one. Step by step uncovered, mine by mine marked, all will be uncovered by extra care, patience and rational thinking. And if you're not careful, you make a mistake - and you have to play the whole game all over again.

"But sometimes it can be a biatch - at times you find you are betting your stakes on that two tiles that you cannot judge which is the safe tile, and which is the mine. Sometimes you get lucky - but the other half of the 'sometimes' you will curse at your ill luck."

"And come to think about it - isn't Life the same ? Uncovering tiles, avoiding mines and avoiding them, got blown by that unsuspecting biatch mine you mistook for a tile, and most importantly, learning from your mistakes. And in the end, you realize, winning is not by solving the whole puzzle, but by learning how to solve it every time you face a new puzzle."

Well, that's what the voice told me, and urged me to write it down here. Maybe I'd forget about it one day, but I might find it here again and recall this little abandoned thought of mine.

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On the other hand, finished the 1st season of Nickelodean's 'Avatar : The Last Airbender' (don't be fooled by the 'Nick' tag and assume it's kiddy stuff - it's good shiat we're talking about, and IMHO it beats Naruto & Bleach in terms of creativity, storyline and animation) and as well, been watching this J-Dorama, Gokusen (dated couple of years back, so sue me for not watching it until now) that I've loaned from Sig. Both brilliant and inspiring I must say - it's like a female version of GTO, except this time you see a HELL lot of boys, a HELL lot of Yakuza stuff, and not to forget a HELL lot of Japanese humour. Don't let the female lead 'Yankumi' (nickname for Yamaguchi Kumiko, played by Nakama Yukie) deceive you by her 'normal' looks (think Asian Village/Town Girl with specs and double ponytails in tracksuit) - she can be very HOT when she gets pissed. Burning, flaming, and sometimes I'd imagine that she'd kill someone with her eyes by forcing their inner muscles to sever themselves. OHWAITDAMN - I'm mixed her up with Oboro from SHINOBI Heart Under Blade again. =
Well, probably I could again start writing because I watched like, 8 episodes for the last 2 days (average 45 minutes each minus the credits and stuff). Laughed. Pitied. Touched. All sorts of feelings overwhelming at every scene resulting in either headbanging or tearluring - probably a good kickstart to motivate my inner heart. 4 more episodes to catch, and that will be the conclusion of the 1st season for me.

And well, been spamming this song, Atsumi Saori's 'Ashita Ni Nareba', from the 'Kujibiki Unbalance (TV)' OP single 'Ai'. Had to check her name again before I remembered that she was the sweet voice that sang for 'Midori no Hibi' - well, her 'Mousukoshi... Mousukoshi' still pull the strings in my heart everytime I play it on my foobar2000. Oh well, hope the torrent for that old album of hers still work.

I guess I will have to conclude here for the time being.

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Felt like a million miles away from my heart, yet a million words can't catch up with what I had left running in front of me. It may never be enough, but that doesn't mean happiness is out of grasp now.

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Well, bed then, probably. Right after I Net on a while.

The Path Retaken

Got up at around 10 today, thanks to my phone.

Cleared out some stuff. Took a shower, and by noon went out for lunch.

Probably because of Hari Raya, the mixed rice stall behind my house wasn't open. And well, I'm in no mood for noodles, so I have to walk another kilometer to the nearest mixed rice stall. Though in exchange, I get to catch up on what's new on the way, and there's always the radio on my 'new' phone to keep me entertained.

Over the neighbourhood. Crossed the metal bridge over the river. Passed by the LRT station. Nothing new apart from a new Guardian outlet, where a wall supposedly stood the last time I passed by there. Though people are still people, passing by with their numb passerby looks. Ignoring them, I continued on and crossed the pedestrian bridge over the LDP.

Stopped by the 7-11. Checked out what's in there, got a pack of Tic-Tacs. Walked out and continued on for another 10 minutes. Due to Raya, the streets were empty. Occasionally a car passed by, but that's all that stopped me abruptly from crossing the once-busy road. Soon I reached that restaurant, and had my lunch. Less than 20 minutes I walked out again.

Weird though. Nothing much on the way have changed. Maybe I was the only one who had changed for these couple of years. Or maybe it's the past that I did not managed to catch on ? I pondered as I walked my little journey home.

I don't know. Nothing's certain in this world. Either it's the world who abandoned me, or it's me who abandoned it. Probably I've been too disillusioned by the world's changing, that within myself I've became numb, insensitive and cold for this world. The price I pay to be an adult.

I stopped by at the 7-11 again. Bought some snacks and stuff. While walking on the way out, saw this girl waiting inside the 7-11 for her friends - another couple who arrived via LRT. I opened the door for her, and she darted out to meet up with her friends. I looked at them and pondered a while before I exit the mart.

They probably have a long way to go. And so, do I. Different routes, but nevertheless the same weight. Different paths, but nevertheless the same goal.

I continued on my way, returning to where I belong, retaking the path of growth.

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Was thinking of this song while I typed on. The 1st OP for the anime series, Fate/Stay Night. Countless nights it had accompanied me, and once again tonight it had.

'disillusion' - Tainaka Sachi

Lyrics by Haga Keita
Composed by Number 201
Rearranged by Kenji Kawai

Lyrics, Translation by Byakuya.

Day Of The Instant Noodles

Lesson of the day : Noodles cooked on the stove in a pot always taste better than noodles drowned in boiled water in a bowl.

Woke up close to noon today - normally would've been yelled at even if I got up at 9. Thing is, I worked myself all to 4am in the morning. And I felt all horrible all over myself, physically and mentally, so that's why today I decide not to go out for lunch. And it rained at evening and there goes my dinner plans. BLEH. Noodles will do tonight.

Tomorrow I'll go out for a change - staying at home all day does not work out at all. Get something nice to chow on, buy some snacks and stuff, and take a look around to see what's new in the neighbourhood. And that's what I've decided after I took the last bite of my noodles. Guess tonight there's no midnight oil to burn.

Wrist now turned from tingling to decay. Not like I did not treat it or something, but the plaster fell after some time. Maybe I should just leave it alone, and let it serve as a 'friendly' reminder that I should work out on balancing myself so that I won't fall terribly next time.

Browsed a couple of blogs today. Found one link, which lead to another. Something that I've always wanted to post up because to me, it's ROCK and it ROCKS.



'God Knows...' by Aya Hirano. For a better 'synch-ed' version and w/o the crowd noises, click HERE :-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aHrE7d2XgA

From episode 12 of "Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu" (The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, note the 3 'u' 's in 'Yuuutsu').

Reason why I think it's cool (POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD BEWARNED):-

Well, Suzumiya wasn't quite the popular figure in her school, but she was just a talented person who just got bored of everything around her. Founder of the 'notorious' SOS Brigade (Sekai wo Ooini moriagerutame no Suzumiya Haruhi no dan), she was so obsessed into her own interests that she'll do everything in a 'cowgirl' manner - from wearing bunny suits and passing out flyers in the school compound after school to extorting a PC from the neighbouring Computer Society. And everything that'd made Kyon (the grumbling male lead you'd see stuck among the crowds, and his real name remains unknowned...) have a certain level of dislike for her. But he and the other 3 brigade members (Nagato, Asahina and Koizumi who were actually hanging around for a purpose) had no choice but to follow her orders - since she mustn't be BORED.

But in this scene, it changed Kyon's opinion towards her for this day. Apparently she and Nagato (girl in wizard costume from the now-defunct Literature Club who was absorbed into the SOS Brigade - and she's not any ordinary human girl, since she just learned about the guitar skills like, minutes ago ?) were substitute members for the playing band performing that afternoon. And they simply ROCKED everyone out.

And kudos for Kyoto Animation for making this great series - they did a great job on the details of the graphics and the animation. Bravo.

Oh well, guess it's time for me to stop here and start hanging out elsewhere. Till then.

Period Of Idling

*coughs at the dust collected by the blog dashboard*

Oh well.

Deepavali was over. Coming up next will be the Raya festivals for the Malays.

Parents off to China for a trip, and my younger siblings went to Grannies' house approximately 20 KM away from my home.

And I, now on my second week of my semester break, will be all alone in this house. For a week. Stocked with rations and stuff to keep me alive for 7 days.

Ups will be I will have moments of silence, peace and alone to do my own stuff. At least 3 story projects, my own studies to catch up, games to play, animes to watch etc.

Downs ? Plenty as well. Already I'm sensing BOREDOM and LONELINESS. Stuff to be done daily. And I don't want to think what the other 'downs' are.

Couple of hours has passed since my parents left for the airport, and I'm already feeling the ennui spreading all over me. Heck.

I turned on the music, and my foobar2000 is repeating Maaya Sakamoto's 'Chibiko Fork'. I read a little. I wrote a little. I was less than inspired. Minimized everything.

I turned off the player and started up the GBA emulator, loading up Riviera -The Promised Land-. Less than 10 minutes later I got frustrated with the inventory system and turned it off.

I browsed around the Net again. I read a couple of blogs and commented in them, then I thought it was time to bring up this little dusty corner of mine. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Up to this point, where I'm changing the song as well. Heck, I'm not in the mood for any positive-sounding songs.

Hungry. Probably there's something for me to bite on in the stores. I decided on the song 'Cry Baby', from Kawabe Chieko - the alternate version of it (namely Shining!) appeared briefly in episode 19 of Ouran High School Host Club.

[3 minutes later...]

Seems like there's nothing much on the cupboards. Checked the fridge. Decided to open up that bar of chocolate (fruits & nuts). Contents smashed all over. Took a couple of chunks and came back to the PC.

Found a link from BBC. Apparently it was for the quiz for one of their documentary series, Japanorama. About one of their episodes, which are about Otakus.

8 questions. Answered 6 correctly. Does NOT mean I'm Otaku or whatsoever - friend showed that episode to me one night and I still remembered some stuff in it as well. Back to writing.

Wound on wrist tingling. Grazed it on badminton session this morning. Need to work out on body balance, as well as strength control. Tonnes to improve. Oh well.

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After all the doodling on this dusty corner, I felt like an empty shell.

Life sucks. Kinda.

Probably I need an impact or something. Had none since 2 semesters ago. Maybe I'll do something for a change within this week.

Hopefully it works.

WHY

... are people doing stupid things, especially when they are online ?!

... do they always post without spellchecking first ?!

... some people just don't know how to learn from their mistakes?!

... people can't be more considerate to others ?!

... can't people learn how to forgive ?!

... can't they be much more creative ?!

... is the Internet connection so lousy nowadays ?!

... is it so hazy here nowadays ?!

... am I broke ?!

... am I not sleeping now but instead typing this piece of crap post ?!

... is it like, WHY ?!