Ohhh I'm Feeling Good

For no apparent reason.

I slept at around 11pm just now, and woke at 2am. I sat in front of the PC. I played some games. I returned fire to some kid who tried to act 'smart' in some forums. I boiled some water and made some hot Milo, and I'm enjoying it now. Now I'm blogging. I feel good.

Despite the fact that the Yeh Man Ren (hehe my Middle East housemate) and his friends are making a fuss in his room - I hope the security will come up and bang the door so they'd keep quiet. Despite I'm torn apart by so many things - heck I'm already torn, so I'd just be torn then. Despite I'm still broke (OK I suck at this. I'm still living out of my parents' money. Maybe I need a job again). Despite it's already 4 am in the morning and I'm now unable to sleep. I'm still feeling good.

My 2nd cup of Milo now. Checking out on Waiter Rant but no updates. I wonder how long this good feeling will last. Maybe I'd annoy those bunch of e-Diots who are still making so much noise in that room, but reconsidering that I might end up getting thrown out of the balcony and appear in headlines, I'd need a plan. They need to be taught a lesson anyway, because they kept disrupting my peaceful moments.

Hmmmmm. Maybe the next time I'd need to buy a tin of SPAM and place it right in front of his room. I wonder how they'd react.

*giggles evilish*

A'ight, time to surf some other part of the Net now. And OH, while we're there in SPAM, let's read this.

Pressure Is Everywhere

I'm sitting here in front of the PC, ten minutes to five in the morning, staring at my monitor, and I didn't turn on the lights since I returned from my paper.

I stared up at the fan above me. My mind is blank. All I know is - I gotta blog something else now. And I don't know what exactly I should write, actually.

My life? Not that bad, yet not that good. The environment around me? Not that good, and yet not that bad. Yet I'm feeling the pressure. Yes, the pressure that's coming from the world around me.

I'm grateful that I'm born in such a wonderful family. One of which is able passed down the Virtues of Life to it's descendants. I'm grateful that Dad was such a determined man, and Mum always cared for the family. Sis Absolut, though she went through a harder way than I did, is doing better and better every year.

Look back at me. I could've used a mirror now if I could - but now I can't, since I broke mine a couple of days ago. I knew Mum was always proud of me - I knew it the way she talks it to her friends. Yet everytime, I feel saddened; I felt very stressed out for every word, every sentence.

What the hell am I doing?

I'm determined to be something I wanted, yet I failed to achieve the right skills I wanted. I wanted to be a Game Designer. I wanted to be a writer. And I wanted to be a composer. Yet I'm still stuck here, staring at the monitor, pressured.

At times, I thought about the balcony next to my room. I always joked to my friends that, if anything happens that's the most convenient way out. And I thought back about the people who really took that convenient way out. Was it really that convenient? No. It just makes things harder to go around, causing more pressure to everyone around.

I remembered having an interesting conversation with my friend's housemate. He said that, it's not motivation that matters, but something else - it's self-entrepreneurship that counts. Well, I thought back about his words. Maybe they were right to some people. Maybe they don't work to some. To me? Heh I'm not too sure myself either. Sometimes I think, maybe I've been thinking too much until I couldn't work properly, creating a block that stops me from growing. That's why sometimes I wished I was a kid again, when I can make more mistakes just to learn more. I want to throw away the ego as an adult - but could I?

And once again, like it or not, I'm stuck on the crossroads once again. This time, between dreams and reality. I can choose both, and I've tried various ways to work it out, but well, not much of a result. Pressure got in the way - and pressure caught me on it.

Well, blogging has been part of my way of expressing myself - at least I still haven't abandon the keyboard to write my thoughts out though. I don't know where this can lead, but perhaps it may lead me somewhere. Maybe a Game Designer. Maybe a writer. Maybe a politician (which I better hope not). Maybe it could lead to the flying ship I always dreamed of, drifting among the clouds and travelling around the world. And well, after reading the Waiter's post, I'd christen that ship as "Kobayashi Maru". It may sound unlucky to some, but hey, I liked it.

Sigh. Now I looked back at my post. Boy I made something out of nothing again - something which I find hard to do most of the time. Gee I really feel better now. And to all the people who read this, I really thank you for your time to read this.

The Return Of The Fire Army

Heck, they are back.

Couple of months ago, my room was infested with these red ants. I don't know how the heck they got up my 11th floor apartment, but - it's a FRIGGIN' LIVING HELL.

They lurked in the cracks among the floor tiles, they crawled all over the place, and worse, they BITE me everytime they find their way up my skin. My toes were their favorite victims, and I sweared and cursed them whenever I picked them out from my poor toe and smashed/squeezed/impaled/crush them to death. And they like to crawl up my table, which I have to BANG BANG BANG smash them out and tick them off (and I don't know how the HELL they can still walk out of it).

Then, I had enough. After a few weeks, I finally brought a bottle of pesticide from home. It's not the kind of common pesticides you find out there, like Sheildtox or sort - in fact I have no idea where my family got that from, and they said it's freaking POISONOUS (though strangely it smells kinda organic, sniff sniff). Anyway it's contained inside one of those plastic sprinkle bottles, and all I need to do is just to spray that on the ants' favorite routes. And WOW after that, they are officially gone.

And then... few weeks had passed without the bites...

Today, I was sitting on one of my stools, when suddenly I noticed one of those long-time-no-see ants crawling up my leg. I was like, "What the -"

Eventually I went looking around, and to my disappointment - they're back. And this time they were residing at a hole near the corner of my room, just next to the balcony. To make things frustrating, the ants came from the level below, which I assume it's got something to do with those guys below (another bunch of foreign students from the Middle East, whom loved booming up their speakers in full bass). Whaddaheck.

I took out the sprinkle bottle from the storeroom, then sprayed a heavy dose on the nest. Then I searched for their trail inside my apartment, and continued on until there's no sign of them. Couple of minutes later, I see corpses everywhere around the hole.

Dang, why do I have to kill them everytime? Can't they just give me a break and spawn somewhere else? Sigh.

The Unite 2006 Disaster

Unite 2006 was held yesterday night but I didn't attend it (not feeling like it actually, thanks to the presence of ahemDrMcoughcough). Today I checked my Y!M to find plenty of offline messages which were online rants about Unite, and after reading them I was grateful I didn't pay the blood-coughing RM89 to attend it. Hurrah for my RM3.80 dinner in FCM Mamak !!!

Anyway, here's some links for the Unite rants :-

Cari.com Forums

SRC Cyber Forums

Short Notice

- Another blog Lampe Berger Help has joined the fight with Anti Lampe Berger to bring those guys down ! I say way to go !

- DANGIT my ear infection strikes back again !!! Last Sunday I thought the cut has already recovered and took down the bandage, but a few days ago I can feel the infection coming back again, then... yesterday morning while I was Sudoku-ing, the cut opened up by itself and pus + blood mixture started to leak out - and I didn't realize it until I felt something wet on me and I looked down... Now I have to cover it up again...

- Friend got into accident - have to help out. Now I realize how DANGEROUS the traffic junction near HSBC was. Pratically some of the lights were out of order, and the street was dark thanks to the malfunctioned streetlights at that area. Cyberjaya PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

-Thanks to that incident I'm now drowsy all over, and can't continue on with my assignment. Feeling sorry towards my teammate, and I promised I will be in charge of the report tomorrow. Dangit too tired now. BED !!!

[EDIT: Oh and nearly forgot... HURRAH TO THE DOWNFALL OF THE HALF-BUILT BRIDGE !!!]

Messed-Up

Once again, I fell into that messed-up state which I've always been fighting to get out from. Inefficient. Unfocused. Demotivated. And even worse, all of them contributed to guilt.

Efficiency's dangerously low recently, and I've been trying all sorts of ways to drive me to work harder, but with no avail. I've been trying hard NOT to give any excuses to myself, but in the end I can't even explain certain things or events to myself. Who or what I have to blame on? None other than myself being so incompetent.

I remembered the session I had with my own academic advisor last semester (FYI every MMU student has to attend to it - or rather, threatened in order to do it), and well I've explained the problems I was facing in the course, and things that I failed to catch up with - like for example, I'm not quite the type of guy who has the talent to program anything decent, and how my many attempts to understand the fundamentals of programming didn't work out as I expected.

After hearing out what I have to say, she gave me a piece of advice :-

"Don't try to force yourself into doing it - instead, treat it like it's your own choice, your own decision that you've made."

I thought back of those words. Sometimes I don't even know whether I didn't push myself enough, or I've forced myself to excel too much that I've to give up in the end.

I'm taking 4 subjects this semester, and I'm facing problems with 2 of them, and adding to the sad part, I'm actually retaking those 2 this semester because I wasn't doing well the last time I took them. To make things worse, to me those 2 subjects are affecting my other 2 subjects which I loved - and they are games-design-related. Seems like I have to make a very difficult choice between making games and academics.

Blah. Totally messed up. But seems like I'm not the only one who messed up big time...

Friend of mine forwarded this while I was blogging this post. Felt like yelling in the ears of those UN e-Diots (Electronic Age Idiots):-

"WHO ARE YOU TO INTERFERE WITH OUR HISTORICAL CULTURE THAT'S ALREADY BEEN THERE FOR CENTURIES, YOU HORRIBLE SUNOFTHEBEACHES ?! 'JIAK PAU BOH SI DIAM GOYANG KAKI KOMPLEN KAKI BUSUK' NOTHING MUCH TO DO ISIT ?!" F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F F F F F BIG GIANT F YOU !!! IF IT WASN'T FOR TRADITIONAL CHINESE, OUR CHINESE CULTURE HAS ALREADY DIED OUT LONG AGO, YOU UNGRATEFUL BUNCH OF HIGH-PAY-LOW-INTELLIGENCE E-DIOTS !!!"

Damn. At least I feel better now. My destructive inspiration always kick in whenever I have something to shoot on. Need to start working on my next assignment now. Will blog to shoot next time.

MLM Blues Again...

I woke up, moved in front of my PC, and found a forwarded link left by "Chim Yeh". Interesting. *click*

Upon sight, that left me ponder for a few minutes. I remembered when I still in S'pore and before enrolling into MMU, I nearly ate the psychological bait of another MLM company, but fortunately my family managed to make me realize the harsh reality behind the sweet fancy candy-like words. Dad owns a small network marketing company as well (it is running in a much more minor scale nowadays, since he's focusing more on the silkscreen-printing business now), and from all these years of hard work, he wasn't focusing on the profits, but he wanted to help people out with the health and hygiene products he's selling. And he gained more than just profits - it was friendship and respect that really counts into his success.

After some time I've entered into MMU (maybe less than a year or so), I had friends who participated in MLM schemes as well - LB, Goldquest etc. - and they will go around spreading the 'Word of Good' to their friends - and of course, that includes me. As usual, they will arrange some time when I'm free to meet me, trying to estimate my financial situations of the future (buy house buy car go vacation give parent money blahblahblahblah), then they will start introducing their MLM scheme to me, blahblahblahblahblahblahblah. And of course, as I've learned my mistakes earlier in the past, and I turned all their offers down, one by one - along with a message to make my stand that I'm NOT interested in it (my way of telling them not to bother me with that in the future), and sometimes telling them what my Dad has (heheh).

Of course, it's not easy as it seemed for my friends who were in it. I had a friend who nearly got into financial troubles just because he wanted to join Lampe Berger. He took out 1k+ out of his savings, and I think some from his student loan (NO JOKE) to pay up for that RM2350 franchisee level. I still remembered the moment where me and a friend of mine tried to talk him out of this MLM business, but he still insists to go on with it. Then after some time, I heard that he pulled out of it, which pratically mean that his investment (time and money) has all gone to nothing, but at least for now he got away from all the troubles he might have faced now - and to a new life playing Magic: the Gathering. Recently I heard his upline (a friend of ours as well) has withdrawn from the scheme, and she too was relieved that she was out of it.

Well, there's no such thing as quick income - the only thing that counts is hard work. I'm glad my friends finally understood the fangs behind the sweet talking, even though they have to learn it the hard way.

And I've a message to them LB members, especially those guys on top:

You guys have done more harm than good to the people. Your money comes from the hands of those people who struggled with sweat and bitter tears. Remember THAT when you guys meet your downfall.

POPPED

1 down, 2 more to go...

I was referring to the 3 cysts I have on my right year for years.

Recently one of them was infected, and the inflammation was so serious that my Mum, upon first sight last Saturday, yelled at me for not telling her about that.

Immediately that afternoon, I arranged an appointment in a clinic nearby Cless' home in PJ. Doc's diagnosis was exactly what I found out on the Net - apparently they were sebaceous cysts, and they were the kind of pain-in-the-butt where it's best to be left alone, as currently the most convenient way to remove it is via surgery, and ONLY if it's infected.

Anyway, Doc inscribed a couple of antibiotics, some painkillers and the usual type of skin lotion with the label 'POISON' on top of it's vessel, and he says that I'd need to return in a couple of days (NOTE: Monday, but fortunately I only had class during the afternoon) for SURGERY.

I wasn't SCARED when he said that - in fact I was very glad to hear that. The thought of the removal of that annoying piece of tickling flesh comforts me so much that it easily overwhelm the thought of enduring the pain during surgery.

Anyways, after a couple of days of awful-tasting antibiotics and painkillers which I strangely found it appealing (???), I was back in the clinic Monday morning for the HIGHLIGHT event. So, first he sterilized my ear, then he applied anaesthetics on it merely by PIERCING the syringe into my earcup (OUCH). But hell it was really working, as I didn't realize he had already cut through the infected skin to let that annoying pus + blood fluid mixture out.

Apparently Doc's preparations weren't quite enough - he should've place some cotton bud around my ear to keep the foul fluid from flowing everywhere. Within that instant, some of the fluid went into my earhole, and some trickled downward along my face and then my upper lip - good thing I closed my mouth in time.

Doc compressed the infection slightly to squeeze the remaining pus out, and then he proceeded to cut out the membrane within - and the cyst that was stuck on it. After some click-clicks from the surgery cutter, he picked up the piece of membrane witha tweezer and then showed it to me (and Dad who was beside). Well, it was BLOODY, and Doc used another tweezer to pick out the cyst stuck within. The moment I saw it, I cursed and laughed at it with my silent thoughts : "Dangit, you're tortured me for years, now you're outta my ear MWAHAHA !!!"

Anyway, after some patching up and so, Doc instructed that I'd come back within a couple of days to get a new dressing, and he gave me some extra supplies of the usual awful-tasting antibiotics.

Well, it didn't quite hurt until the anaesthetics started to wear off during my trip back to Cyberjaya - and boy, it hurts for that while. Well strangely I didn't take any painkillers for that, and within that day the pain was gone. But the real 'pain' kicked in later - there's nothing I can eat in Cyberjaya !!! I survived that day with some honeydew and a GIANT mug of watermelon juice.

Anyway, the next day, I returned to the clinic for the redressing,, and I he says that I've to do the next few redressings on my own, so he inscripted a huge bottle of disinfectants for me to clean up the opening. And also it appears that the fluid that went into my earhole earlier started to take it's toll. As it was partly composed of blood, it dried up and a blood clog formed inside my ear - and it seems that some of it formed on my eardrum. So I had some trouble when I started to belch. Anyway after the dressing, I told Doc about my new problem and well, I got some 'eardrops' to clear out the clog.

Anyway I got home, and I can tell you that eardrops are not something to be messed with. The moment those went into my ear, it was so dreadfully painful my eyes started to tear. But it did a great job of clearing out the clogs though.

Sigh, seems like it'll take some time before I can really enjoy my meals now. =(

In Case You're Wondering...

Hear that sound that played whenever you load up my page ? Don't be surprised - that pun was intentional. Got that sound file from StarCraft. :P [P/S If you want to hear it again, just reload the page...]

Anyway, this week I'm going back to campus unusually late - thanks to something I need to attend to. Will blog about 'it' after I return to Cyberia... :P