Heck...

I feel like a zombie. For the sake for my assigments and exams days I have insufficient amount of sleep for 3 continuous days, say, around 3 hours per day.

As a result, on the 2nd day I started to look like I just walked out from Resident Evil, or maybe The House of The Dead. And an accident happened on the 3rd day - I hitted a pillar with my head while walking on the 1st floor of the hostel block without paying attantion (was rubbing eyes and turning around a corner, which I obviously failed), and my glasses fell down to the ground floor as a result of the impact. Luckily it didn't break, else I would owe an explanation to my parents.

I hate myself for this, and hated the damn assignments + exams for causing such trouble. But now they are completed, and right now I will put an end to this self-torturement to myself. I will end this post here and go to sleep now. Bleh >:P

End Of Valentine's 2005

Bummer dumdin's, in a flash this day has ended with people dining and smooching all around the place. Chocalate's and flowers are flying everywhere like air mail, and "Happy Valentine's" messages are flying like bird traffic ( which I TOTALLY dislike about ). Those W/O guy/girl friends spent their time with their normal friends ( I fell into this category in fact ).

Ennui was my word of the day. I had a bad time with assignments, with my time management, with my bed because I forgot to bring my bedsheets, with the weather because it was HELL HOT while I'm trying to type my blog here sweating like a dog that nearly got drowned in the river. Everything is so against me and I still can't believe I'm still here and not in my coffin.

Anyways I hope tommorrow gets better. I hope.

Valentine's ???

No, no Valentine for me this year. It's still not meant for me this year anyway.

Cupid missed 3 shots on me. The red string from "Yue Lao" went loose all the time. And Miss Fate (misfate) gave me that cold shoulder. Maybe I'm suppose to live with the fate of a Raven's ?

I hope I have the patience, or, at least get to live until the day Valentine meant something for me. For now, Valentine is still undefined for me. But the day isn't over yet, who knows what might happen minutes after I post up this post?

And by the way, for this year, 22rd February (8 days from Valentine) is the 15th day of the 1st month for the Chinese Lunar Calender. It is the last day of the CNY festival, and also the Chinese version of Valentine's ( in Malaysia yes, but in China I'm not sure ). Hopefully I don't get a bad mood at that day.

Confession

I got to admit I am feeling weird here, perhaps I got mentally sick.

I have this problem of being NUMB to certain stuff nowadays. For example, the CNY festival. Actually I don't feel the atmosphere at all. It ain't the same feeling as the ones I had for the past 19 years (maybe 12 since I am kind of a blur until I attend primary school). I have no urge of going to someone's house for visits, nor do I have the urge to collect angpows unless someone's actually offering it on the spot. I even lost my appetite, and sometimes I skipped meals.

Maybe I got lazy ? Or perhaps a different environment has affected me since my parents went overseas and I didn't return to Muar for CNY ? I think it might be the combination of both.

I start to feel a bit... anti-social, a bit not like feeling to meet with people. I got this sick feeling that I just got kinda fed up of mankind, or more specific, this society. I dislike what most people like in common, espacially those "hot" material stuff or issues. I don't know why but those things start to make me puke.

Well, I think I'm a bit disaligned with myself now, because I've started to write such negative things in my post in the CNY festival. I think I should check what's wrong with me again, for the N-th time.

Thoughts...

Overwhelm my mind now. I have too much to think of, happy thoughts, sad thoughts, lousy thoughts, angry thoughts, blah blah blah...

I realized I have been slacking too much now. Festival holidays filled with assignments had made me trying to inject myself with large doses of anaesthetic named "Fun". And obviously I have overdosed, as I have lost my sense of responsiblilty.

My determination to work is now reduced to writing up this post, at least. I felt my life being drained out, and I don't know whether it's the stress from Life or the drug that made my mind float. Maybe it's both.

I'm sick of myself, and tired being too. But there isn't much to do, and as long as I'm stuck here, I have to go on living with these misery hanging along my neck. Bleh.

Now I hope that at least I can get the chance make some achievement in my life, at least for this CNY. Let's see how things work out, and I hope it's not that rough. End.

(And Happy Chinese New Year to you readers out there. Well, at least make yourselves happy and don't end up like me sulking on my failures.)

"You are not going anywhere..."

Yeah yeah, looks like this year's CNY I'm not going anywhere but to stay at PJ...

Dad & Mum went for a holiday in China with my aunt, but it seems that at the last minute my aunt got lost in the airport and as a result, she didn't get to board the plane. And my parents had decided to stay at Singapore for 1 day to wait for my poor aunt to arrive... ( I heard this wasn't the 1st time my aunt pulled out such an act... )

So now, this means the rest of us kids have to stay home. And my elder sis (who works in S'pore but came back for CNY) hae to assume the role of guardian of the house (rather call it like that since me and my younger sis were old enough to take care of ourselves). My younger brother now stays with my grandma's house, therefore, his means the 3 of us here can enjoy the privileges of freedom in the house, and today is just the 1st day of it... hehehe...

(P/S Oh thanks to my friends for remembering my birthdate, which is today btw... Happy CNY to you all guys !!!)

Reunion

Met back with some old friends this Saturday night. Eventually I was invited by 1 of my old friends P (who actually had a plot in mind, please read a bit furthur...) for supper. Well, I was also convinced at that time that I could meet up with some old friends who took Form 6 in my former secondary school, as they have completed their STPM and waiting for their results.

We went to an open-air food stall where my friend claims that most of our old friends will drop by there for midnight supper. Then we settled down, ordered a couple of drinks, chattered for a while, then after around 10 minutes P finally "unmasked" his real purpose to me and started to do a presentation about a product (spirulina, in fact) from a network marketing company which he had joined. ( P/S I have no interest in other network marketing companies as my dad already owns 1. So whenever my friends starts to do a presentation I will just sit down and see how colorful this world can be, no harm listening only, right? :P ) Anyways he presented to me for around 20 minutes, and at the end of it he was at the point of writing down my details on a membership application form without my agreement. ( Readers BEWARE ! Common tactic used by them >.< ) But I managed to halt him immediately as I was already on alert. I was lucky we didn't end up in an awkward scenario.

After that, the both of us spent half an hour in the cybercafe nearby challenging each other with NFS:U2's Drag ( I wonder why he's always slower than me by that little... maybe I was lucky? I am not a good racing gamer at all ). Then we came out again and met up with another group of friends, and for goodness' sake P there started another "sharing" with another friend W in that group who happens to have joined another company selling RO water. So while the both of them were deep in conversation, the rest of us (3 by the way) updated each other with our current achievements in life, and also about the others whom I have not seen for a long time. ( I called 2 years a long time ) Some of them were part-time teachers now, some taking part-time jobs in shops, and some of them were still carefree (which make me quite envious about it, crap).

And when the conversation I was involved in had ended, P and the other guy haven't finished talking yet, and it was already 1 am. One of my friends had to leave early as he had to start working the next day (yes, his 1st day's on Sunday). So the remaining 2 of us quietly listened to P and W doing their sharing. And everything seems OK until P pointed out that "mineral water is bad for everyone's health and everyone should stop drinking it", which the 3 of us disagreead in the same time. The 3 of us had accidently formed an alliance, and eventually my friend P there tried to fight back to get us to believe him but was not successful (conclusion : the 3 of us were stubborn). So, in vain, P exclaimed that we stop this topic else something unhappy occurs, and he drove all of us to our homes.

I was the last person he had to drop, and before I reached my home, I gave him a piece of advice which my former boss in Singapore told me : "Listen twice, speak once". He took my advice, not that willingly but in fashion. And finally we reached my home, and I bid him farewell, and went off to sleep straight away as it was already 2am at that time. (Luckily Mum didn't kill me for that, just because I messaged her earlier that I would return home late ^^)

Moral Of The Story : When you want to do a presentation, read the details CAREFULLY before you present to anyone. Better make a clown out of yourself in front of the mirror than in front of a crowd.

What Now?

Well, the previous post was actually to make up for my long absence in blogposting. Actually I was too depressed to write anything these days, but it seems that it's time for me to let bygones be bygones, and that also means I have to change my mood pretty soon.

*Finished listening to Gundam SEED's "Akatsuki No Kuruma", now switched to Gensoumaden Saiyuki's "For Real", Piano Version*

I'm starting to use Friendster now, and through it I contacted some of my old friends. Well, nothing's better than seeing your old friends, and you will be amazed how much they have achieved in life now.

Time really flies... All the memories seemed like they were from yesterday, and all of us were just kids. And today I woke up, I found myself already a university student, looking back at my life as a kid now. And now I wonder how tomorrow will be...

Well, I guess my memories, be it happy or sad, will always accompany me to my death, or maybe until i suffer from amnesia or absent-mindness (which I hope not). That's why there used to have a saying, "Life is beautiful". Life is beautiful, indeed, not only because of the good things in life, but, because it has flaws too...

And now, my mood isn't that bad now (at least for now I have lesser worries because nothing worse has happened). Gotta end here. =)

Disaster best describes...

My life. For this week, at least...

I can't imagine how did I survive this horrible week. Nor do I want to know the aftermath. Right now my mood is in a tense, and anything that sparks my mood will initiate my immediate loss of control of my sanity.

No, I'm not going into details of what happened, cos' I might as well go suicide. I got to admit I have suffered enough from this unfortunate turn of events, and bringing it up will be as good as killing me.

Well, I just hope things will go better. And I hope what I lost could be found back.

Hm... Lunatic...

this is what the Lunatic Test placed me as, i guess... but Nicola's a great chum... =P

Click on the pic to go to the test... enter at own risk, any mental damage caused is not the responsibility of *ahem* me *ahem* nor www.rumandmonkey.com...


Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Extra Thoughts About The Camp

Speaking of the participants disliking the exercise-dance part and also the hymns & games section, I wonder if it's because of the participant's preference of activity.

As you see, the participants all came from Multimedia University, and most of them spend their time on the Net. They had already customized themselves to it, and find the fun part of accessing to the lots of information and entertainment. And a plus to the various types of games available now, from PC games to online Flash games, they provide entertainment that's unable to be implemented in real life. Now as they had found something more fun and advanced, they will gradually have a lesser liking to the traditional types of activities such as dancing and singing songs.

This, of course, is just an assumption I made ( I knew pretty much well that assumptions are dangerous, but it does no harm as long as I only implement assumptions into my calculative thoughts instead in real life. ). So I was thinking if our hymns & games section should review our variety of activities. But nevertheless, I know that our division has done our best to entertain and inspire the participants of the camp. Sadhu to Bro. Hock Guan, Bro. Lett Kee, Bro. Cless & Bro. Jun Han. =)

And speaking about the closing ceremony, there's still something I haven't mention on the previous post. While on his way out, the Chief Venerable suddenly mentioned that "a wealthy man is not rich, but a rich man is not wealthy." what he meant was a rich man who owns a lot has fear in him, because he is afraid what he possesses may harm his life. In the other way the wealthy man is not rich as his life is filled with wealth such as happiness and peace.

But the wealth wasn't just only that, later did I realized. After the camp I was broke, and only have little cash inside my wallet ( I know that I'm a big money-waster, so I'm struggling to not to waste so much by learning how to save.) I had no money for dinner, but one of my friends Wey Ann who also joined the camp invited me for dinner and paid for me. I was touched, and remembered back what the Chief Venerable said. True friends, as some people may not realize, are also part of the wealth that cannot be replaced. And also Sadhu to Bro. Wey ann. May the good be repaid with goodness.

And the long week is coming, and oh well, it seems that my mum didn't pass me any money to me, but of course I still have my way out (dried rations !). And I know, this is going to be another valuable lesson about "contentment".

Camp's Over

oh uh... camp's over, let's just say i "faced it, accepted it, solved it and letted go of it"...

Met a lot of ppl, basically the participant's are nice, even though i heard of some feedback that some disliked me (dunno why, maybe they don't understand me). To be specific, they disliked the section I was hosting (which in fact, wasn't my very own idea by the way)... well, I know sometimes I'm quite annoying when I make noise a few years back, but I knew by heart that I have really reduced it until it becomes rare when I make such a bloody mistake that involves reducing my honor to ashes...

Well, what those people think, I know I can't change it, so I gotta "faced it, accepted it, solved it and letted go of it"... heheheh Dharma's cool in any sense, I gotta be grateful to the teachings of the Buddha... Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu...

And yeah, we were lucky to have Chief Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda ( i hope i didn't spelt it wrong) to host our closing ceremony. But I personally think it's a waste to have him host the 15-minute ceremony and a blessing to the students when he could have given us a valuable lesson or talk if we arranged the appropriate time slot. Really really wasted. But his blessings were very powerful ( I can feel it because of some unexplainable reasons... let's just say I felt energy when he blessed us...) and funny thing is that the others only felt drowsy and sleepy... maybe they were insensitive or it's just that I'm too oversensitive? Who knows?

And well, another amazing thing was before he left he told us to go and find out the meaning of "contentment" and we must resort to it. Then on his way out he passed by one of our friends, and took a glace on his name tag ( our name tags each has a different quote behind)... Surprisingly, the name tag of our friend's has the term "contentment" in the quote... interesting, right?

But well, overall, this camp was interesting, and I learned a lot too, and gained new friends... This will always be a part of my happy memories... =)

Memories...

It's been a long time since I played CS in cybercafes... missed the old times where I kill, snipe and *yeah* knifed...

The time in Taylor's was memorable, after classes I would go to the nearby cybercafes to shoot people, and every game there's about 20 people who joined...

But, that's not the real fun of it...

The real purpose I had was to make friends who shared the same fun as I do. Back then I had much more enemies than friends (wasn't popular at that time, i guess)... I couldn't find anything that I had in common with other people those days. Talking about materialistic life, such as owning several handphones, driving a car, going out with in gangs to various places, wasn't my type of game. And there were a lot of things which I do not have the knowledge on. As I failed to meet up with those requirements (maybe), I was being ignored and squeezed out from the community in my very own class... quite ironic...

That's why I ended up in the cybercafes during that time, even though it means I have to waste a lot of money. But through that kind of place I learned a lot of skills, reflexes through training and also friendship within the players.

Cons? Sure, I sort of got addicted. I hanged out in cybercafes more than restaurants. I don't have much pocket money but I do my best to save them for the trips, or if I don't then I just go there, take a look at the players playing.

How pathetic my life at that time looks like, but I truly enjoyed it. There were invaluable things that I acquired which most people can't see it. I got to admit by now, I missed that kind of life, even though I have a better life now compared to that time. Freedom. Friends. The laughters. The joy of doing tricks to get "oo"s and "ah"s. And the people I used to know so well. I missed them so much now.

Maybe I will return to that place one day. To show that a once legendary player (or knifer, rather) has not lose his interests. To show that how much I grew since I left that place. Yes, I shall make a comeback. Soon.

Hm... Lack Of Inspiration?

I think so... since nowadays I can hardly write anything in the blog now...

Maybe my life's filled up with sorts of things, occupied with a lot of tasks... obviously that took away a lot of my inspiration...

But that's a good thing, since I'm not wasting most of my time whisking with stuff that I kept within my mind... at least my life now is content =)

It takes the right time, the right topic and the right way to express when I write, else it would nothing more than a meaningless post... (that's why I dislike paparazzi and their stuff on mags since those are meaningless...)

Well... probably you might be wondering how the hell did I write this post? Well I just come out with an idea involving in my long absence in blog-posting, and by listening to a couple of songs... it really helps, heheh =P

And yeah, I haven't said anything about the new year 2005... this is my 1st post in this year, and I wish all my friends sukhi-hotu, always be happy and content in this year... ;)

Oh... Lame Internet Connection In Campus...

If you are a resident in MMU's hostel, you'd be pissed off with the terrible Internet connection here... the campus' 10MB connection is even slower than my house's 56K connection, any sense in that ?

Anyways camp is coming very very soon (in fact 4 days from now), and there's still a lot of things for us to do... I have to try to synchronize my dance steps and sequences with my other 2 pals... they helped me a lot in the session i'm supposed to be in charge with, and they even volunteered to take the dance with me to present to the camp members... Praises to ya guys, Cless and Jae !

And now my mood has turned better thanks to the temporary rest I got... at least now I'm not feeling so stressed now, so I think I can work out most of it, and now i should curb with my ultimately bad habit of going to bed late... my parents been nagging about it since a few weeks ago, maybe i should go and take my rest early and quit acting like a zombie =P...

(and Act Of The Day = check out signboards in KL, near Jalan Kuching and Jalan Damansara too that reads "Terima Kasih Kerana Pandu Satu Lorong"... I wonder who wrote that, LMAO !!!)

Disaster In SE Asia

Heavy earthquake occured in Indonesia, and various parts in SE Asia has been affected by tsunamis. I was also grief about what happened to the victims, even though I didn't show it obviously and properly. So I got inspired and wrote this instead:

Waves took my tears away - Kaizer

Sorrow cuts through my heart
Like the cold wind that cuts the air
The sky was dull with the sea of grey
And my tears have been taken by the waves

Shocked and surprised I had been
Never meant to see it coming
But it came swift and silent
like the waves that took my tears away

I tried to live on with it
Tried to forgive but not to forget
But no matter how much I resisted
The pain still remains

To the places all I've been
To the times where I've been through
These sad memories I had will never rest
like the waves that took my tears away

- End -

Well, I tried my best to write it out, to express what I felt about the disaster... I hope that all the victims can recover soon...

Life's a bit bored... and tiring... and sick...

The 3rd semester started last week, and from the start until now I only managed to post up 1 post excluding this 1 (obviously the one below... this makes the previous sentence I wrote sounds meaningless...). Now I'm sort of in a crevasse of my life...

From the last weekend until now I'm feelin like a sick bored fella... I went to KLCC that Sunday afternoon, and I'm not the type where I would actually stop by to take a long, long look (not my habit, I only do that when I really want to buy some clothes)... so within 30 minutes I finished strolling over the 5 floors while my mum, younger sis and bro went to some shop at the ground floor and my dad, well, let's just say he went to do some mystery shopping...

While on the stroll I only took quick glances on the merchandise displayed on the windows, and thoughts just got in my mind (I daydream the most when I'm totally bored...). I start to think... since I'm here and I can't buy anythin, might as well after this I go out to the garden (KLCC has a garden... and I dunno why they want to build such a garden that's surrounded by tall buildings, lousy traffic and yeah, construction yards...)

So I told my mum I'm goin out there, and really I took a real tour around the garden (wif a lot of thoughts jamming in my mind as usual...) and until the end of the tour, my dad had already finish his business and we are about to leave to the next destination... (Thean Hou temple and then Mid-Valley for another mystery-shoppin, then only I return to my campus and my beloved comp =P)

Then the next day (which was yesterday...) was a tiring day... 6 hours of class all lectures, really bored me out...) during the day and a dance lesson at night ( I had to train the dance so I can teach the camp members during the upcoming camp at 7th-9th January 2004... oops, 2005)... Internet's a bit laggy and I'm tired of waiting... and I think I'm starting to get sick, inflammation in the throat... =(

i think I'm too tired now, I just looked back at what I wrote and I think that what I wrote here is just mere bragging about my life and nothing else that's meaningful... I think after tonight's meeting I will just hit the sack, rest and nothing else...

Too Quiet ? Nah, 'Cause I Returned Again !!!

Judging by my absence of few days, you guys might have known that I'm too busy to write a new post... and adding in poor network connections and stupid private affairs, and now my head is gonna blow...

My lessons are going quite OK (though sometimes I am not concentrating and still got a lot to catch up), and the lessons were arranged at 9am, so I don't have to fear for the 8am's (NOOOO !!! I'M LATE AGAIN !!!). And about clubs affair, the DSG Camp's moving nearer and nearer now, and yet I still haven't make much progress, and hopefully I can complete my task ASAP. And about personal affairs... hm... I don't think I wanna talk it here, as bringing it up will make myself very angry again... (hey hey cool down !)

Well... hopefully all these things can improve and turn out better then... *sigh*...

Sigh... time flies

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What the hell was I thinking ???

Man, I blew it up again...

This afternoon I went to 1-U with my family for shopping, and when I was strolling around in the supermarket alone, all of a sudden I met with a friend (a girl, quite pretty >.<)whom I haven't seen for some time. We exchanged glances for a couple of seconds, and she reacted swiftly by saying "Hi". And I was too surprised because I didn't expect to see her at that place, and I got nervous, didn't know what to do at that time so I ended up stuck and dunno what to reply her...=_=" ... It took me like 10 seconds to say something back like a "Hello"...

Then next, she asked me where I was admitted to, and I was so tongue-tied I replied her slurrishly. and of course she couldn't hear what I say... then I have to repeat my answer again...

The whole process was witnessed by her dad who was just beside her... I feel so embarassed for pulling out such a slapstick... I gotta admit my mind was in choas too, couldn't focus on what I'm doing. I was like dreaming and not clear of what I'm actually thinking at that moment...

My slurrish oral problem is coming back to me again, maybe it's because of the holidays... I have gained some weight (60 kg now >.<) and I think my jaw muscles and my tongue had slumped due to the lack of proper oral exercises, and also due to the lack of talking to my friends... and also my mind has gone blur and dull once more... man, holidays can make ur mind pretty dull !!!

( I think I should speak more to the mirror, The Sims do it to add their charisma :P )